Recently I posted about my plans and goals for this year, and one of them that I have been working on quite fervently is the physically "fit and free" one. Rather than dwelling on what is wrong with me, with my body, or with the mind, body, spirit connection, I have been focusing on what I can improve, and I hope that this continues throughout the rest of my life. A sweet soul shared with me a physical therapy regimen for fixing my iliotibial band, and I will be forever thankful to him for doing so out of his free time and without a cost, at least to me. As I have been working on strengthening and stretching this area, I have noticed an undeniable connection between my hip and shoulder on my left side - every time that I do a lateral leg lift, my left shoulder pops. In the meantime, I have been researching what a winged scapula is, and how it can be strengthened to improve the strength in my serratus anterior, thereby allowing me to do more inversions (read: upside down poses) in my yoga practice. Who would have thought that all of this would be related? In western medicine, we are taught that each individual area of the body is a separate compartment, like a drawer in a dresser. However, as is true with the dresser, if one of our legs were injured or severely removed, our foundation would be shaken. For years, I have been asking one part of my body to do more than its fair share, and then wondering why it is aching when it does so. Since the foundation has been shaken for such a long time, it stands to reason that the rest of the structure would be aching as it compensates for the extra weight that I have been asking another part to handle. The point is, instead of spreading the weight evenly and justly, I have asked more of one area than it could give, and so the entire structure has been struggling to adjust to my request. Although this rings true for the physical components of my body, it stands to reason that it rings true for the other parts as well. If I ask more of my mental area, then my emotional area suffers, and if I ask more of my emotional area, then my spiritual area suffers. My goal is to align all of these areas - physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, so that what shows on the outside of my body is also true on the inside. I strive to have integrity in every step I take, and in doing so, to treat my body, spirit, and mind justly and with care so that what I give to myself, I can give to the world.
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What Is My Path for 2019 and Beyond? I have recently had the opportunity to reflect on the new year, and if it is shaping up in the ways that I am called to follow. Based on this contemplation, I have crafted a 10, 10, 1, setting up goals for the next 10 years in a tool that is referenced in Rachel Hollis' book, Girl Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals. So I set out to define my values, to make sure that they are real and current, and to make sure to include all that carry the most weight in my life. Here they are, in an order that can change on a daily basis, while still remaining true in my heart, soul, and spirit: 1. I am running an exceptional domestic violence shelter in Cochabamba, Bolivia. 2. I give God the glory. 3. I am authentic, balanced, and transparent. 4. I hold the children of the world in my heart and treat them with the dignity and respect that they deserve. 5. I empower and inspire survivors on an daily basis. 6. I am physically fit and free to do anything I set my mind to. 7. I constantly challenge myself mentally to reach new heights. 8. I have emotional strength and resilience; therefore, I give and receive love with ease. 9. I have financial freedom, and I live in a way that is sustainable and supports the resources I have and those of future generations. 10. I set and achieve measurable goals. Affirmations to Spark Recognition and Realization You will notice that the goals are written in true affirmation style as this has been proven to stimulate the brain to believe that they are real, possible, and true, so that if they are not truly actualized at this point, that they will be within a realistic time in the future. My Main Goal is Still the Same You may also notice that these are all things that I am currently striving for, however, the formula in 10, 10, 1 is to choose one goal that you are giving your true focus towards for this year, and then another for the next, and so on. If you are a reader of this blog, then you will know that I am extremely passionate about opening a domestic violence shelter in Cochabamba, Bolivia, and so I have listed this as my focus goal for this year. It is a goal that I am still striving toward on a daily basis, and all of my goals are in support of this goal. What is my personal WHY, or motivation, behind each of the remaining goals? First and foremost, I give glory to the One who gives me life, and this will always be central to me. In order to reach my goals, I must follow my values, hence the "authentic, balanced, and transparent" goal. It is important to me to always honor the dignity and respect of all people, including children, and to seek to spread the message that they are true and full humans, even if they are smaller than us. The same can be said for inspiring and empowering survivors, which is something that I can and must do in any circumstance and in any environment. Included in my goals is also the four quadrant evaluative tool of the spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental areas (and since I have already included spiritual above, I added in financial to help provide a foundation in this area as well). Finally, I included in a goal about setting and achieving measurable goals to make sure that all of these are realistic and can be completed in a set period of time. Sharing My Goals With My Loved Ones I am sharing these goals 1) to be accountable and transparent with my loved ones and 2) to inspire you to create goals and dreams of your own, so that we may follow our individual callings to become the best versions of ourselves! Thank You for Your Patience Although I realize that I kind of "fell off the wagon" when it comes to reporting (and perhaps even doing) rejection therapy projects on a daily basis, I wanted to wrap up this project and the year by sharing some of the adventures that I was blessed to experience as part of this process. Remember Jia, the guy who created the Rejection Therapy project? I was blessed and fortunate to have the opportunity to do a rejection therapy project with him, beta testing his app and reporting along the way my journey with a group of complete strangers. Final Rejection Therapy Projects What were some of the rejection therapy projects I undertook? I did a couple of "buy a coffee for the next person" projects; however, the most impactful project in which I participated was to leave flowers at the grave site of my grandparents who died when I was young, and with whom I had not reconciled after learning of some bad choices that they had made while still alive. This project was both personal and life giving, as the feeling that I now have every time I drive by their cemetery is much different than the one I used to have before giving myself the grace and space to forgive them and open up more room in my heart for love. One day, I sent a care package to the daughter of a very sweet person with whom I attended high school and whose daughter had been in the hospital for some time. I received a very sweet note thanking me for the package and exclaiming that it was as if I had known her daughter my entire life (even though the two of us have not met). Even though the rejection therapy project with Jia was only a week, what I really liked about this challenge is that he gave examples and suggestions for each project, separating them into different categories and giving real world ideas so that we could take the ball and run to make the world a better place. Another thing I really appreciated about this opportunity was that he sent us messages of encouragement and asked good questions, creating a type of mentor and mentee relationship that can be helpful for everyone. Lessons Learned What did I learn over the course of this 100 day project? One of the biggest and best lessons was that it is possible to make a small change in the life of others that can have a big and lasting impact. In Matthew Kelly's latest book, The Biggest Lie in the History of Christianity, he talks about how the saints were not actually perfect people, either, and how even though we put them on a pedestal and can sometimes feel like it is impossible to aspire to their levels of greatness, that saintly moments are created one habit at a time, and that our actions become our habits and our habits become our lives (does this sound familiar? It is the quote that I use on my blog site from the first Matthew Kelly book I read). It is truly possible, therefore, to become saints if we choose a trajectory of life that leads us on a path of one good choice after another. Even if we falter, this does not take us out of the running as saints. What is important is that we get back up and try again, and that we live our lives with integrity and passion. I am reminded of another of my favorite gurus, Rachel Hollis, and how she says that the biggest passion projects in our lives take time, and even though I found massively fast and positive results with rejection therapy, I think the biggest change is my mindset over the long haul. From time to time, I have to remind myself that even though I do not always make the choices that will lead to my goals in every infinitesimal interaction, that I am still a good person and that every small try leads me closer to success in the bigger and overarching areas of my life. Another lesson that I learned most drastically in Bolivia while on mission, but that I was reminded of again and again during my rejection therapy project, was to run towards my fears. Sometimes, these fears are small, like being pleasant to someone whom I think doesn't like me very much, or putting on a smile yet again when I am scared that I am going to be rejected by someone that I don't know. Other times, however, these fears are big, like apologizing for something that does not fit with my personal integrity or with how I define my interior peace and character. Each time that I interact in one of these difficult conversations with courage and with humility, it increases my confidence in myself and makes it that much easier for the next time that this comes up. In Conclusion Let me know if you have any final suggestions for random acts of kindness or growth projects for the future! As I end many of my Miracle Morning blogs, I am a child of the One True King, always learning, always growing. Day 61: give balloons out at the hospital - I thought it would be a nice idea to give balloons out on either the children's floor or in the Children's Mercy Hospital, so I went to get the balloons aired up. First I went back to the Dollar Tree, which is where I originally purchased the balloons, and the employee with whom explained that although they could not put helium in latex balloons, she thought that Dillon's could. So I was on to Dillon's to ask the floral department, and the young lady who worked there told me with a smile on her face (to match the smiles on the balloons) that she could do it in about 10 minutes! After she finished airing up the balloons, I headed to the hospital, parked on the yellow floor (to match the yellow balloons), and first stopped at the pediatrics unit. When the nurses said "yes" initially and buzzed me in, I went to the nurses station and was greeted with about 12 smiling and apologetic nurses who told me that the hospital has a policy against latex for allergy reasons. As I told them I understood and explained that this was a "rejection therapy" project, they thanked me and graciously made me feel welcome on their floor. Leaving the hospital, I thought of the park with the zoo nearby, and that perhaps there would be some children there who would like the balloons. It was still open for half an hour, and the sun was still up, so I was on my way! Lesson 61 - perseverance pays off, and smiles are contagious :). I found a family getting out of the car when I arrived at the park, so immediately I was able to give away 4 balloons (and one flew away as I was handing them out and both brother and sister were reaching for them at the same time). Then I was down to 6, and I headed to the playground to hand out the final balloons, asking parents if their children could have them as much as possible. It wasn't long before I headed to the zoo and saw a cute beaver trying to gnaw its way out of the enclosure, beautiful birds with feeding time fish, and lots of water where the turtles live. On my way out, one of the kids from the initial family said, "hey, the balloons are gone," and I thought to myself, "how nice it is to be noticed." Day 62: pick up someone else's coffee - I was extremely fortunate to receive a Starbuck's gift card from a friend for a birthday gift (thanks, April!), so I was able to "pay it forward' by covering the coffee in the car behind me. Lesson 62 - In my Hot Asana Yoga teacher training we just read the "yama" of Brahmacharya, i.e. non-excess. Although my Starbuck's purchase was just one drink, and the purchase in the car behind me was enough to amount to my getting one more drink out of my card, one more drink is all I need! Day 63: give a care package to someone living on the street - this was my third care package in a sequence of care packages that I purchased together, and the woman who received it was extremely thankful and exchanged more human connection with me in that brief interaction that I have received in several hours' presence in the company of those who do are not currently in need. Lesson 63 - patience is a virtue, and I passed up several homeless (as we currently label them in this country) people before I felt the gentle tug of the still, small voice to give to this woman in need. So, it's confession time. The real reason I asked for advice with my rejection therapy projects, which you will see on day 20 below, is because I realized that I was not really putting my "all" into the project. Instead, I was taking snow days and sending requests from home, taking it easy and doing a simple project when I really felt called to do a more challenging one, and in the end I just basically felt like giving up. I am, however, ready to turn over a new leaf. I am going to actively ask myself to step up my game, and I hope that you will challenge me to do the same! Day 19 - send "will you be my friend notes" to 3 people: Do you remember how, in grade school, we actually asked permission to be someone's friend? How admirable, raw, and honest this was. Do you have people in your life, like I do, whom you think would make great friends, but now that you are an adult it is a lot harder to take that first step? I decided to overcome my vulnerability, and it went a little something like this: step 1) choose 3 people with whom I would like to be friends, step 2) write those people notes bravely asking them to be my friend, and step 3) become friends and live in a perfect world...or, at least this is how it went in my head. This is how it went in real life: step 1) choose 2 people with whom I would like to be friends, step 2) start writing a 'will you be my friend note' to the first person, step 3) use excuse that I only have "thank you notes" to write a thank you note instead, step 4) justify it by telling myself that the real reason I am thanking them and not asking them to be my friend is because I want to send plain and simple thank you notes, no strings attached, step 5) repeat step 4 with the second note, and then just choose a third person to whom I would only write a thank you note, based on the already mentioned justification in step 4. Lesson 19: If I want to be honest with others, I have to first be honest with myself. Day 20 - ask for help with more ideas: This step started out well, in theory. I was being honest and owning up to the fact that I only had so many ideas and that it takes a village...to support each other and encourage each other on our journey. However, in full transparency, I stayed at home too long and felt like just finishing the chapter of the book I was reading and going to bed instead of venturing out to whip up a rejection therapy project. While I did push myself to write the request, in full and total honesty, if I had gotten out of the house and done a rejection therapy project, I would have felt much better about myself because I was making a promise to myself and following through on that promise. Lesson 20: Once I start slacking off, it can be a slow fade, and the further I slide, the harder it is to climb back up! Day 21 - give coffee to someone on the street: I honestly thought, at this point, if I buy coffee for anyone, I it will be an improvement over the first two days in this series. With this low bar set, I went into my first coffee shop while I was waiting for a meeting, and began to take the easy way out. Since I did not find anyone who was cold and could really use the warmth, I simply purchased my own tea and hung out until it was time for the meeting. After the meeting, I went to my second coffee shop, thinking that I would pass someone along the way who could use my help. Although I did pass quite a few people by another coffee shop, I had my sights set on checking out a newly renovated shop, so I continued on. When I reached the new shop, I saw no one within close proximity who needed my help, so I left and went to buy a few groceries for the night. After completing my grocery shopping, I went to a local gas station and picked up a cup of coffee, driving a full circle back by the initial store to look for someone to give it to, and ended up finally finding an individual on a bicycle who looked like he could use a warm drink on a cold night. I had to drive a bit more to track him down, and in the end I offered it to him and a woman walking her dog, he accepted, and I was happy that I was able to complete my task while making someone smile. Lesson 21: Follow my first impulse to do what is good at the highest level, and it will prevent me from almost running over a cyclist trying to "help" him. Day 7 - ask myself over to the houses of those I love: As you can tell from my last post, I suffered a bit of burnout with my rejection therapy, so today I decided to take it easy and do something that was a little more private, yet necessary all the same. At times I avoid asking to go over to someone else's house because I cannot currently return the favor, so I decided to ask a couple of family members if I could come over to spend time with them. I literally asked with these exact words, "I should invite myself over to your house someone soon." Lessons learned: even though I sometimes fear rejection, I was met with positive responses to my requests. I have to remember that I am loved more than I know, more than I sometimes extend in return, and always more than I deserve. Day 8 - a series of mini rejection projects: Today I decided to let the gears start moving again by participating in a series of rejecting rejection attempts, and start again tomorrow with the bigger projects. For this reason, I took back the palms to church and asked the priest if they would recycle them (I didn't know this was a "thing"), talked to someone in church to whom it took courage to reach out, and asked the Starbuck's inside the grocery store where I was doing our shopping if they were going to make any samples of the cherry mocha anytime soon. Lessons learned: the priest let me know that they burn old palms to use in upcoming Palm Sunday masses, the person to whom I reached out to in church was kind to me and taught me that it was the right thing to do, and the Dillon's employee made a sample just for me without asking anything in return! Day 9 - read someone else's child a story: I thought that it would be a fun and creative way to spend time with children by offering to read them their favorite story, so I went to the local Barnes and Noble and was approved to host a story hour, so "go"...the only thing is that I went a little late and only talked to a couple of adorable children who were still around, although their father was trying to get them to go to eat. I talked to the manager about coming back a different day a little earlier, and in the meantime read lots of inspiring children's stories with good messages! Lessons learned: go early, stay late, and be ready for anything. All in all, these three days were a success at rejecting rejection. I love learning that you really can do anything you put your mind to, and all in all, you will get a lot more "yes'es" than "no's" and a lot more "yes'es" than you expect! I was going to save this for a personal email to all of my loved ones, as I so rarely reveal my personal self on my blogsite; however, in the spirit of honesty and renewal with all things new that come with the new year, here goes: What have I learned over the past year? I have learned that there are people there for you, in all types of different ways, from all walks of life, depending upon the season in which you find yourself. I have learned to be patient, that as the yoga video I do daily as part of my morning practice states, "life is on a spiral path." I have learned that it is not always about reaching your goals as quickly as you possibly can, but instead about the lessons you learn along the way. I have learned to embrace those lessons in order to really live in the moment and let life wash over me, one second at a time, like a wave in an ocean or the beauty of a sunrise. What am I going to take from what I have learned? That I am a vulnerable, humble, alive human being with scars and marks that reveal who I really have been, where I am going, and how much more I have yet to absorb in lessons from those who have already been there. What am I looking forward to in the future weeks, months, and years? Renewed connections with those who have gotten away, continued connections with those who refuse to look away, and connections unknown in those whom I have yet to encounter. I am so excited to be given the opportunity time and time again to renew, recreate, and rejuvenate this beautiful life that I am a part of...I can only hope those who hold a place in my heart know that it is there and that it will always be there. Emotion is human. The moment you call expression of it weak, it becomes strong: evidence of a willingness to go against the grain. – Arleen Spenceley My host parents during their 50th Anniversary Mass. Click here to see my blog about the celebration. I have been awed and inspired to see examples of men in Latin America displaying courageous examples of what it means to be an adult in a world where we are sometimes told to hide or bottle up our feelings, or the expressions of them: laughing, crying, hugging, and dancing. When I see this, I am reminded that society oftentimes sends us the wrong messages. But this same society also tells us to live life to the fullest, enjoy what we have while we have it, and savor every moment. Mixed signals? You bet. I am also reminded of a man I once dated (yes, he was twenty-one at the time) who had never heard “I love you” from his parents, who had never talked about anything of importance or shared his feelings with them, and we struggled because he had to learn how to do all of this in his first romantic relationship. Why does all of this strike a chord with me now? Because, contrary to what I thought was the culture of Latin America, and even more specifically of positive examples I have seen in Bolivia, I have been disheartened to hear one phrase recently on refrain, “Don’t cry.” It comes after a two-year-old steals a toy from another two-year-old, and it comes when a child misses his mother. It comes when two boys are fighting because one has made fun of the other, and it comes when two girls run into each other and butt heads hard. It comes when a kid is worried that his parents will not come back to pick him up from school, because all of the other kids have already been picked up and he is the last one waiting with the teacher. And it even comes when I accidentally close the trufi (a small van) door on the fingers of a five-year-old (at which point I also wanted to cry). Why are children who are obviously experiencing pain, both emotional and physical, told not to cry? These are the only conclusions that I have been able to draw:
And what lessons do the above teach children? That we as adults do not have time for them. That when they are upset, it does not merit the same kind of respect as when an adult is upset. That they have to learn to exhibit behaviors that are outside of the reach of their age, and that they should hide from adults what is really going on inside of them. That they should hide from their peers and their friends what is going on inside of them. And what do the above lessons actually teach? Dishonesty, fear, and responsibility before its time. That they have to be responsible because it is outside of the ability of the adult to exemplify the behavior that we expect from children. Although we teach them to act justly with others, and that doing the right thing will yield just rewards, that it is actually a lie. And we begin to teach them to be jaded, even though adults do not enjoy being around people who are jaded. What should we be teaching our children? That it is okay to express your emotions, and that it is even a healthy way to react to a situation that is unjust or painful. That what is going on inside is okay, and that when you show to others your truth, that they will respond with understanding and with compassion. That children are valued members of our world, so that they can grow up to be the future that we are proud to have helped nourish. And, finally, that love is the one thing that unites all of us, and that we have to show vulnerability in order to be able to love. Today I would like to thank my housemate and friend, Hady. Although we spent 13 weeks in Franciscan Mission Service's formation program sharing a wall, I have really gotten the opportunity to know Hady better over the past several months that we have shared living space in Cochabamba, Bolivia. It is here where I have come to appreciate Hady's care for her family and friends, from near in our city, to far in places like New York, California, and Minnesota. Hady is always first to post updates on Facebook, to tag friends in pictures, and to check in with friends and loved ones all over the globe. Her generosity goes without saying, but for those of you who do not know her, let me tell you anyway. Hady goes out of her way to write a card of thanks, give a thoughtful gift, or share her food with friends and with people she meets on the street alike. She sends birthday cards and postcards, as well as creations of recycled plastic bags and goodies from her ministry site, to those who are celebrating special occasions. In this way, she is sharing a part of her world with her new companeras y companeros with those who have been in her life from the different places she is happy to call home. But I would be remiss if I did not share more of Hady's personality with you, because it is such an integral part of explaining who she is. Hady is a tried and true, proud New Yorker, and if anyone has anything negative to say about her state, she will defend it til the death. She is also quick-witted, fast-talking, full of life, and does not let a disagreement last more than a day. She makes strong connections, and even stronger relationships. She looks each challenge straight in the face, and dares it to defy her. She has the self-confidence of a tiger, and she fervently reverences the Virgin Mary. She prays hard, works hard, and lives life to the fullest. Thank you, Hady, for being an example of a strong woman and an honest Christian believer! I look forward to our future adventures, and can't wait to see you knock whatever potential curve balls life continues to through us here out of the park! Today I would like to honor my friend Elena. She is one of the kindest, most open people I know. From the first moment we met, she was inviting me over to her apartment for a meal, and has since been a very present part of my life. She constantly reaches out to talk, share food and drinks, and spend time together. Elena has been there for me during difficult times, and is always there to listen to the good and the bad. When I had a surgery, Elena stayed overnight at my apartment to make sure I was okay and tend to my needs. She values friendship, family, and the bonds that tie us together. What I love about my time with Elena is that we are always bound to have deep conversations about real issues. She does not stray away from touchy topics, but neither does she negatively judge others for their situations. At the heart of the matter, Elena realizes that we are all human and that we are bound to make mistakes, but that we need each other to navigate the ebbs and flows that life brings. Elena is also a positive person. She may not believe it, but she always greets friends and family enthusiastically and with a genuine interest in finding out how life is treating you. She likes to explore new things, and is always up for a party or simply lounging by the pool after a long day at work. She is always looking for the joy in life, and for this reason her positive nature is contagious! Since I have been in Bolivia, I have been especially appreciative to have Elena in my life. She helps me navigate the experience of moving to a new country by sharing her life experience and the wisdom in her perspective. Whenever I have a new challenge with the transition, I know she will tell me that it is normal and share an anecdote of her own to make me feel better. Thank you, Elena, for being a great friend and for always being up for sharing your time and thoughts, no matter the distance! |
AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
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