As part of my 300 hour Yoga Teacher Training, I am required to offer karma (read: free :)) yoga classes. I have been trying to figure out the best way to do so, and, equally so or of greater importance, who I would most like to invite on this journey with me. Since I haven't yet figured out how to become perfect, I want to offer yoga classes for people who are like me. Interesting, isn't it, how society tells us all the time that if we smile this way, use this product, or own this thing, that this will somehow make us perfect, or be an indication of how we have finally achieved perfection? Funny, though, I have yet to meet a perfect person. I suppose the goal we have been seeking is actually unattainable after all. Despite my initial disappointment at this discovery, I realized that this is actually a relief. So I can just show up as me? Great. Here I am. If you too are imperfect and want to show up as you, I am ready to meet you where you are. Even if you show up as different versions of yourself based on the current moment in your life. Even if you are stronger one day and less the next, even if you take some time to recalibrate and return to your favorite version of you, one day, hour, minute, or week at a time. I look forward to meeting you where you are, and celebrating that beautifully broken and wonderfully imperfect human being. If you are ready to show up authentically as you, I look forward to meeting you on the mat as me.
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When I search the banks of my memory, I see myself reading the next book that I am about to mention long before the racial injustice of our current times was occurring, or at least before it opened up to the light of public awareness. However, when I look up the actual date that I started reading Rage Becomes Her, it is in May as opposed to March as I originally thought. And why is this important? Because I thought that I was already immersed in "the work" by the time it became mainstream to do so. Because I thought that I was seeking out a higher ground and a higher knowledge before others were doing so. And because this kind of thinking allows us to stand on our moral high ground, which in essence allows us to stay and play small, and allows us to keep doing exactly what we are already doing. I thought that I had begun to seek out the gender that is often unheard from, a skin color whose stories are often left untold, or an open-mindedness that is yet to be grasped by mainstream culture. And I thought that I had begun to do so before George Floyd, and so many others, became a household name. While this book is an important book to read, the narrative of stories of people of color is disproportionately heard, and this is as a result of a system that doesn't carry certain voices to rise above the ashes of the noise that is our current societal climate, I was surprised to see that I was not as far along in the search for an inner peace, that can help cultivate an outer solution, than I thought I was. Which brings me to an important point...any time that we shy away from a particular point of view, a specific author, or a certain demographic out of a fear that we may ingest something that causes us to question who we are as a basis of who we listen to, what we believe, and who we see, we allow ourselves to be stripped of the opportunity for knowledge via enrichment, openness via empathy, and learning via streams and currents of love, similar to the blood that flows through the veins of each and every one of us. I am thankful for the opportunities that I continuously receive to learn more, be more, and do more. And I am grateful to know that when I am ready to learn and grow, new opportunities to see, hear, and experience authors, genres, and cultural landscapes that I haven't previously been exposed to continue to cross my path. So, as they continue to enrich my understanding of our current world, I will continue to bring them to you, in an effort to learn, share, and grow together. As Bryan Stevenson once said, "The opposite of poverty is not abundance. The opposite of poverty is justice." The more we can learn together about how to unearth the institutions of poverty and seek out systems of equality for all, the more we can walk together, hand in hand, lifting and empowering each other as we learn from each other and heal the poverty that exists inside of each and every one of us, poverty of learning, poverty of understanding, and poverty of grace. This brings me to the last, and most important, book that I have read regarding race relations and our blindness to them. I can't recommend this book enough, and I ended up listening to White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism over and over again, going back to chapters once more and then once again, realizing that
the more we are attached to the good vs. bad binary and assigning racist actions, attitudes, and beliefs to those who are bad, as opposed to realizing that the structures, society, and institutions into which we were born and thus required to grow up within, inevitably molded and shaped each and every one of us, and thus our behaviors, actions, and world view, the more we will perpetuate this outdated model. As Ibram X. Kendi so eloquently explains in the above video, once we are able to choose the lens of racist thought processes as patterns that we are unable to avoid, we are able to move past living in a world of default actions, beliefs, and avenues, and choose to unlearn what was previously taught to us, so that we can uplift others whose shoes did not have the same paths to walk, and to hear what they have to say and learn from those who are actually engulfed in the struggles of what solutions would be best to employ to help everyone find an equal and solid footing. I highly recommend watching, reading, and listening to opinions that fly in the face of everything that you were conditioned to hear, see, and do growing up, and to join us in the search for equality that is founded on the basis of honoring our similarities and celebrating our differences, so that we may come together to create a new way of being, doing, and seeing that is inclusive and expansive, enriching and engaging for each and every one of us! When I watched Freedom Summer, I was shocked by a number of things: *how Freedom Summer was about people of all colors rising up against racism and segregation *how they did it with courageous spirits and open hearts, knowing that they could loose their liberty and/or their lives in the process *how they were jailed and killed at alarming rates when they were simply sitting in a cafe or driving through a certain state with unity *how they did all of this because they realized the importance of enacting the right to vote, as opposed to just writing down a law on a piece of paper From here, I moved on to An Ordinary Hero, and would like to share some quotes from Dove's synopsis and movie review, as follows: "The National Civil Rights Museum declared, 'This film belongs alongside those of other freedom rights champions.' Experience the incredible true story of Joan Mulholland’s courage to help change the world. As a little girl growing up in the South, Joan witnessed the ugly realities of segregation and racism first hand and vowed to one day do something about it. By the time she was 19 years old, Joan had already participated in over three dozen sit-ins and protest when was put on death row in Mississippi’s notorious Parchman Penitentiary after joining the Freedom Rides… but that was just the beginning of an incredible true story that has captivated millions around the world." "Along with others, Joan took freedom rides on a bus, making a declaration of their belief in equal rights for all. This was unheard of in the south during those early days of the Civil Rights movement. Joan herself is interviewed in this film as well as others who lived during this time." "Featured in the DVD are writers Eric Etheridge, author of 'Breach of Peace', who talks about buses being attacked during the freedom rides. Also featured is Michael J. O’Brien, author of “We Shall Not Be Moved”, who speaks of the bus demonstrations and freedom rides as well as sharing biographical information about Joan." What I loved about this movie was that it all started based on a walk through a community with a friend where Joan "witnessed the ugly realities of segregation and racism first hand" and vowed from that day forward to be an ally and a part of the solution. This movie moved me to watch The Uncomfortable Truth, to learn more about Joan Mulholland, in this case through the eyes of her son. According to a student led panel by college media outlet The Signpost, "Mulholland decided to tell his family’s story through making a documentary as a way of inspiring others to take a step back and carefully examine their perceptions, beliefs and culpability in cultivating any racial barriers. 'I did it because I needed to say something. I hope what people get out of it is understanding, and to check their preconceived notions,' Mulholland explained. 'Knowledge is power. If they have that knowledge they can actually work on it and that is the first step towards empathy.' The panel discussion, featuring civil rights activist Luvaghn Brown and Freedom Rider Joan T. Mulholland, focused on racism and the ways we can learn to overcome it by working with others. Brown stressed the importance of talking to people you wouldn’t normally talk to and encouraged the idea of having a conversation with someone who has different views than you. “Go out tomorrow and look around you and ask, ‘What can I do?'” Brown said. “Just the willingness to act is enough. Do something small if you can’t do something big, but do something.” Since my last blogpost, I also watched 13th and a couple others, and I have to say, if you watch just one movie on this topic, this is the one to watch. I will continue reviewing some, if not all, of the following movies in my upcoming blogposts, as well as sharing my continued actions in uprooting racial bias, both inherent and extrinsic, aquired and external. Anita Hill: Speaking Truth to Power I Am Not Your Negro You Belong to Me: Sex, Race, and Murder in the South Salute Just Mercy Life of a King Brian Banks Marshall Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution The Hate U Give Harriet Tubman: They Called Her Moses Where Do We Go From Here? In the meantime, if you haven't started your own personal journey of education and action, I encourage you to do so now. And if you have, I would love for you to share with me your insights and recommendations, so that we may fulfill our calling of learning from and growing with each other. It has taken me a bit of time to gather my thoughts in a way that would clearly express my sentiments during our current period in history. As a white person, I had to ask myself what I could do to support my friends and loved ones who are people of color, keeping in mind that the reality of what Jane Elliott says, "there is only one race: the human race," citing research that shows that the origins of the human race began in Africa and that, based, on this information, we are all simply varying shades of melanin. While I was collecting my thoughts, I figured that education was the best place to start, since there was a stay at home order and also as a response to my inherent bias, which I was aware of and trying to avoid from the beginning. I ended on both education and action, although the latter came as a result of the former, which I will explain in the review below on The Untold Story of Emmett Louis Till. In case you looking for an immediate way to respond quickly to our shared environment, you can find information about The Million Letter Movement on the website or the group Facebook page. As an aside, two things that I didn't know about Jane's "blue eyes" experiment are 1) with the first class she did the experiment, she asked the children first if they wanted to learn about discrimination and how it feels before conducting the experiment and 2) that one of the letters in response to the experiment was this ironic and appalling quotation, "How dare you try this cruel experiment out on white children? Black children grow up accustomed to such behavior, but white children, there's no way they could possibly understand it. It's cruel to white children and will cause them great psychological damage." As part of my education, although I turned to books as I often do to learn, I may write an upcoming post about the books I have read, as I find that movies are a faster and easier route to education during a pandemic. The first movie I watched was Liberty and Slavery: The Paradox of America's Founding Fathers. I found it enlightening and insightful, including the quotes about the bible, which can be summarized as follows: the original translation of slave was servant, and the history of indentured servants is that they were working a certain number of years in exchange for passage and "freedom dues," as opposed to enslaved persons who were kidnapped against their will and forced to work their entire life without a contract that promises freedom after the contract period was over. In this proves an important realization - that the bible does not condone slavery, as so many believe that it does, or that you and I may have even been taught as children to be true. There is nothing godly about slavery, and beyond common sense telling us this, we now have tangible evidence to prove the obvious truth behind this statement. When I watched The Untold Story of Emmett Louis Till, this is when I knew that I had to act, above and beyond simply gaining and sharing the education I received. As I was watching the movie, I realized that my grandmother was alive when Emmett Till, a 14 year-old boy was murdered for engaging with a white woman (i.e. handing her change for gum, and later whistling at her as a boyish prank), and I thought to myself, "If she was alive during this time, what did she do?" which I quickly translated to the self reflection of "If I am alive during this time, what I am going to do?" I realized that I could look back and have the same experience years later, or I could actually take action now and make a difference. In the intention of writing a post that is an acceptable length for reading, I will end for now and pick up with my next blogposts to review some or all of the following movies, shows, and/or documentaries: Freedom Summer Anita Hill: Speaking Truth to Power I Am Not Your Negro You Belong to Me: Sex, Race, and Murder in the South Salute Just Mercy Life of a King An Ordinary Hero The Uncomfortable Truth Brian Banks Marshall Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution The Hate U Give Harriet Tubman: They Called Her Moses Where Do We Go From Here? In the meantime, if you haven't started your own personal journey of education and action, I encourage you to do so now. And if you have, I would love for you to share with me your insights and recommendations, so that we may fulfill our calling of learning from and growing with each other. If I were to take any lesson from the children whom I am teaching in my yoga classes, it is that feelings are for feeling, when we need to roar, we roar, and when we need to balance, we balance. As I moved into my I Can Balance Yoga series, I noticed two unique developments that were emerging in my online yoga classes. One is that children are finally starting to show the toll that this period of mourning and grace and an overall slowing in our world, and two, that when it is necessary, we just need to roar. Along with balancing poses like eagle and dancer, we also practiced warrior poses moving toward a balancing Warrior III pose. During each of the warrior poses, as in moments past in other yoga classes, I invited the children to roar like a warrior, and this time, they took the mighty part of warrior quite seriously, as they did, indeed, roar. And not just a little bit, and not just the children who would fall into the extroversion category, and not just once. These children roared out their anxiety, roared out their struggles, and roared out the collective frustration from moving in a world where we had some semblance of control and routine to a world where we have very little, if any, and not just children under the age of eighteen, and not just for a little while, but during a pandemic and for long enough to have to come out from under the blanket that envelops our shoulders in a facade when we pretend during our daily lives that we are the masters of our universe,without any other internal or external guiding force. And as much as I am a strong supporter and outspoken advocate for everyone to reach toward their dreams, like the children, I too see the beauty in internal, as well as external, divine timing. I too see the beauty in the pause. I too see the benefit in running when we need to, balancing when we need to, and roaring when it is the only and inevitable option. In this time of uncertainty, what I know is that the one person that I can control is myself, and another thing that I can count on for sure is that everything is temporary; all of the pain, all of the hurts, and all of the obstacles that I have the opportunity to view as challenges or as next right steps, guiding and leading me towards one of two prevailing themes; when I need to balance and patiently wait for this moment in the storm to pass, I will balance, and when I need to become and transform into the mighty warrior that my five year old version who is always within and inside the inner core of my being, I will roar! We. Are. All. Essential. Something has been bothering me about this coronavirus, besides the death, besides the sickness, besides the nurses and doctors who are too tired to function well, besides the people at home in situations outside of their control, and besides the employees who are forced to work in situations that may be unsafe for them. And it is this - the messaging that we are receiving. When labels are placed on one group, good or bad, it always affects the non labeled group in some way. In this case, the label I am writing about is the term “essential.” Essential is defined by Webster’s dictionary as “of the utmost importance” and “of, relating to, or constituting essence” and finally “inherent.” I believe, and know it to be true in my bones, that WE ARE ALL ESSENTIAL. Sure, there are certain jobs that are more necessary during this time than others, and the people who are doing these jobs, in my modest and humble opinion, are HEROES. This is not to say, however, that other people are not also performing tasks that make them also fall into the HERO category. Teachers, both those who are completely reformatting what they call a classroom and their modality of teaching, are considered to be, and rightly so, HEROES. Parents, who are unexpectedly at home with their kids and are finding a way to balance the needs of their kids and the needs of themselves, also, during this time, are HEROES. Caregivers, those who are usually in this role, and those who have been unexpectedly cast into it by the current quarantine situation, are HEROES. Students, who are missing their friends, family members, and graduations, are HEROES. Babies, children under the age of 4, and toddlers, who are somehow putting a smile on their parents’ faces during the midst of a crisis, are HEROES. Anyone who is stuck at home by themselves and missing loved ones, who they know it is safer to stay away from at this point in time, is a HERO. Wives who are caring for their husbands and picking up any extra slack for any reason at all, are HEROES. Husbands who are sensitively and supportively caring for their wives are HEROES, too. Anyone who is in any kind of relationship who is caring for another human being is a HERO. And I hope we can all find a way to remember this, and reframe the definitions of WHO is essential into WHAT is essential. It is ESSENTIAL for medical providers to save lives on the front line. It is ESSENTIAL for stores carrying food to get the food to people who need it. It is ESSENTIAL for everyone to have basic human rights provided to them, regardless of whether they were available before, during, and after this virus. And it is ESSENTIAL for all of us to recognize that we are not the only ones on this planet, and that the situations that others find themselves in are vital, they are vital, and that their stories need to be shared. I hope that what comes out of all of this is a growth, starting from the inside of each and every human heart, and moving to the outside of all humanity. For now, however, I just hope that everyone starts thinking of everyone else as essential, and in this way, that our world gets just a little bit smaller. I hope that we can open up our hearts to hear the stories of the other, taking the time that we have to seek and find what is vital, and learning and growing together. And I hope that we take this time to share with all of the members of our human family, instead, the messaging that YOU ARE INHERENT, YOU ARE OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE, and YOU ARE ESSENTIAL. All Aboard!!! This week, I taught a kids yoga class to a full room of 4 to 8 year olds a couple of times, and let me just say that I am learning a lot, not only about what kids are going through during this season and how they really are small, little adults in so many ways, but also about how much energy it takes to fly like an eagle, swim like a fish, climb a tree, and peddle a bicycle continuously with people who are, *ahem*, several years younger than you. Through it all, I am constantly reminded of the hope and optimism that soars through little souls and is bounded up in the hearts of little minds, bodies, and spirits!!! While I have been teaching kids yoga, I am reminded time and time again about the importance of self care. For me, this means a steady yoga practice, not only to stretch out my legs after hopping like a bunny and hosting a free spirited dance party in my kids yoga classes, but also to nourish my mental, physical, and spiritual needs on a much deeper level. I have also been going on long walks, a.k.a. the lengths that I used to run when I participated in competitive foot races, and let me just say that the lengths that I need to walk vary on my internal emotional, mental, and spiritual landscape on any given day. I am fortunate to have enough privilege to be able to participate in all of these activities, especially in a time when others are mourning the loss of loved ones or wondering how they are going to put enough food on the table for their families. Even as a 'newly strengthened by fire yoga instructor,' who is still learning the ropes and moving into new styles, techniques, and modalities on a regular basis, it is not lost on me that there are countless others who would love to be able to eat, work, and live in the level of comfort to which I have been blessed to be accustomed. Self care also means a steady meditation practice, although meditation has come to mean different things for me during this time. Sometimes I fall asleep listening to More Myself, a book by Alicia Keys, while the piano riffs lull me into sleep as I dream of achieving my personal best version of myself and dreams, and other nights it is all I can do to listen to Glennon Doyle's new book, Untamed, in her humble, vulnerable, and compassionate style of writing that not only speaks to us as women, but to all souls on the human planet of existence. In an effort to master meditation, I have been offering a couple additional meditations to what I hope is the populations that need them most, both medical professionals and teachers in the latest series that I have shared on Insight Timer. Although it would be lovely to say that I will come out of this quarantine with a strong handle on how to teach every unique and varied hue of meditation, for now, I am focused on first offering what I know and secondly and slowly, little by little, attending new workshops and seminars and adding additional repertoire to my knowledge base. Most importantly, I am focused on providing what little I can, when I can, to allow my light to shine on those who no longer remember what their flame looks like, so that together we can grow an eternal fire that brightens the path of everyone whom we encounter in this beautiful, and sometimes messy, awe inspiring journey that we are always blessed, even though it sometimes may appear otherwise, to call life! I am more and more thankful for my time on mission as time goes on. During a time such as this, when I have the option of being stir crazy because of not being able to get out of the house, I realize how important it is to have the gifts of contemplation, reflection, and introspection. These are all gifts that I received on mission, and I will tell you about how that happened to me now. Before going on mission, if you asked me whether I was an introvert or an extrovert, I would have said, quickly and perhaps a bit too loudly, "An extrovert." In a time of social media memes becoming more prevalent than the three main news channels were in my childhood, I am hearing a different story. I still have the option of believing or not that story, but either way, the message is being received. Even though my Meyer's Briggs category always comes back ENFJ, I am starting to think that the needle is moving away from the "E" for extrovert and closer to the "I" for introvert on a regular basis. The one thing that was louder than anything else in my time on mission was silence, and I am starting to see its effects on the world, and its effects on myself. Although it may be an extremely unpopular opinion, I am grateful beyond belief for the time in self reflection and the pause that can be felt around the world. Instead of wanting back old routines that were long past their expiration date, I am yearning for time to find out who I am, and more time to explore who I am without all of the outside chatter that the world usually provides. One incredible surprise from this time for me is that a world of new opportunities is opening up for me. I am doing the things that I always pictured in my daydreams, but erroneously thought that they were out of reach, because I needed things outside of me to pursue them, like education, resources, and perfectionism. What I am learning, instead, during this moment of reprieve, is that it is less about what is outside of me and more about what is inside of me. When I listen to the still, small voice of my soul, it sends me messages of how I can achieve things that I thought were impossible. For example, I am recording and sharing meditations that are being heard internationally overnight, simply because I listened to the call to help others in a way that showcases the gifts that God has divinely passed on to me. I have had the opportunity to sit in the silence of my soul, and it has led me to find what I needed in the moment, and then to share that need with the world so that I may be of service to others. The same is true for my kid's yoga classes. What an uplifting moment in the day of a preschooler when he or she knows that their voice is being heard by a circle of children and adults, and I have now searched out a way to share this gift online to give the tools of self healing and rejuvenation to a group that otherwise would not have had access, and all because I was able to slowly and intentionally move away from fear and toward where my passion to work with children and inspire and empower them aligns with the need to have an outlet for a four or five year old child. What is my prayer for you as you are exploring new experiences in challenging ways? That you find a way to hear the still, small voice in your soul, and that you allow it to lead you to new adventures that you believed were outside of your reach, and by doing so, that you allow your light to shine in your own little way, because adding it to the little lights of others, we will create a glow that soothes and protects our hearts as it nourishes and strengthens the world! And so, as in all good stories, I saved the best for last. I am currently beginning a new phase in my yoga chapter with teaching at the YMCA, in a pathway toward eventually teaching yoga as an alternative therapy to domestic violence survivors in Cochabamba, Bolivia. As my vision has only clarified since coming back to the United States and thinking of my loved ones in Bolivia on a regular basis, it has come to my attention that the ways in which I am able to serve the community while working at the YMCA are giving me hands on training to work on my goal to inspire and empower survivors of trauma wherever I go and whatever I do. For example, working with students who would not otherwise have access to water while teaching SPLASH classes has given me the opportunity to pull aside and dedicate more time to students who are struggling emotionally, whether on or off of the spectrum, and let them know that someone is willing to validate their feelings and show them that they care. In smaller swim lessons, I am able to work with students at their own pace and provide positive reinforcements to allow them to find their own solutions to problems and celebrate victories, large and small. And in our Early Learning Community (ELC) swim lessons, I am able to work with classroom teachers and the program director to ensure that potential trauma response moments are addressed immediately and communicated effectively and in a way that is beneficial to the student and their families, Although my current class offerings are geared toward adults, I am in the early planning stages to offer children's yoga to the preschoolers who currently attend Gym and Swim classes with us, and I can't wait to begin the journey to provide yet another resource to children who are just beginning to learn self and emotional regulation. Notwithstanding my preconceptions about what lifeguarding would entail, I have also had many "come to church" moments with adult patrons, discussing everything from life histories of being raised in generations that tolerated violence and even hearing a sexual violence disclosure that was one of the first times that the survivor shared her story with anyone. In my current yoga classes, I am offering a spiritual practice focused on the seven chakras, and beginning each class with intentions that focus on creating a safe space, valuing the dignity and honor of each human being, and providing a place for a mind, body, and spirit connection that is holistic in its approach to accompany individuals to find their own way to healing and peace. It is my intention to always live my life from a place of integrity, transparency, and holding true to my convictions of character while working on creating the best possible version of myself, and I am happy to say that I have found the opportunity to do so in my current journey, with the goal of doing so for the rest of my life. Recently I posted about my plans and goals for this year, and one of them that I have been working on quite fervently is the physically "fit and free" one. Rather than dwelling on what is wrong with me, with my body, or with the mind, body, spirit connection, I have been focusing on what I can improve, and I hope that this continues throughout the rest of my life. A sweet soul shared with me a physical therapy regimen for fixing my iliotibial band, and I will be forever thankful to him for doing so out of his free time and without a cost, at least to me. As I have been working on strengthening and stretching this area, I have noticed an undeniable connection between my hip and shoulder on my left side - every time that I do a lateral leg lift, my left shoulder pops. In the meantime, I have been researching what a winged scapula is, and how it can be strengthened to improve the strength in my serratus anterior, thereby allowing me to do more inversions (read: upside down poses) in my yoga practice. Who would have thought that all of this would be related? In western medicine, we are taught that each individual area of the body is a separate compartment, like a drawer in a dresser. However, as is true with the dresser, if one of our legs were injured or severely removed, our foundation would be shaken. For years, I have been asking one part of my body to do more than its fair share, and then wondering why it is aching when it does so. Since the foundation has been shaken for such a long time, it stands to reason that the rest of the structure would be aching as it compensates for the extra weight that I have been asking another part to handle. The point is, instead of spreading the weight evenly and justly, I have asked more of one area than it could give, and so the entire structure has been struggling to adjust to my request. Although this rings true for the physical components of my body, it stands to reason that it rings true for the other parts as well. If I ask more of my mental area, then my emotional area suffers, and if I ask more of my emotional area, then my spiritual area suffers. My goal is to align all of these areas - physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, so that what shows on the outside of my body is also true on the inside. I strive to have integrity in every step I take, and in doing so, to treat my body, spirit, and mind justly and with care so that what I give to myself, I can give to the world. |
AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
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