Let’s talk about what I am really doing. Let’s get into the ugly. At times I shy away from writing about my ministry sites. Sometimes, it’s because I am trying to protect the dignity of those already victimized by society, by the system, and by their own families. And sometimes I do it because it’s just not pretty to write about. It’s not warm and fuzzy to say that many sexual predators start victimizing from the ages of babies up to 2 or 3 year-olds.* It’s not pleasant to read that by the time of their first jail sentence, they have raped, abused, sexually molested between 120-250 victims.* And it’s definitely not pleasant to say that when they get away with it for this long that we are partially to blame. The reason that sexual violence is perpetuated by society is two-fold: one, because the perpetrators, i.e. the abusers, are members of our spheres of influence: our churches, recreational and/or sports activities, and even worse, of our families; and two, because we don’t believe the survivors when they get up the courage to denounce. We are quick to stand up for the perpetrators as “upstanding” members of our society, and even quicker to add, “he/she is such a good person,” and “there is no way that he/she would ever commit such a heinous crime.” And there you have it. That’s how children, women, and yes, even men find their voices to put words to awful lived experiences, and then get ridiculed, dismissed, brushed aside, and violated once again by those who are supposed to help them. It’s not fun to report that the average conviction rate in Bolivia for crimes of sexual violence is .02%, or in the US a whopping 2-3%.* It’s not societally acceptable to point out that reports are hardly ever false, because survivors call the reporting of their crime a second rape based on how they are treated when they denounce. Or that when we ignore these voices, we are helping the perpetrators to gain strength, confidence, and further their perception of power and control that tells them that they will not get caught, and even if they do that they will not be prosecuted, or even if they are that once they get out of jail they will return to the society that allowed them to commit their crimes in the first place, and that allows them to find a new group of victims to infiltrate. What is my message? That life is cruel and that we need to get used to it? Or that we need to stand up and say, “No!” in the loudest voice we have? That we need to be the voice for those who feel so shamed by the crime perpetrated by violence that they have temporarily lost their voices. That we need to open our eyes to the realization that those within, and not without, are the ones committing the crimes. That when our children go to soccer practice, ballet, boy or girl scouts, that we need to go along to send a message to the perpetrator that our children are not an easy target. That we are watching them. That no one deserves to live a life of fear, trauma, and guilt, and that they will not get away with it if they try it with those we know and love. *Statistics taken from Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders - Who They Are, How They Operate, and How We Can Protect Our Children and Presentations by the Staff of CUBE (Centro Una Brisa de Esperanza) or see here for A Breeze of Hope and for resources to get help. If you or someone you know needs help, please call the Rape Abuse and Incest Network at (800) 656-HOPE. You are not alone!
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AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
July 2022
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