As part of my 300 hour Yoga Teacher Training, I am required to offer karma (read: free :)) yoga classes. I have been trying to figure out the best way to do so, and, equally so or of greater importance, who I would most like to invite on this journey with me. Since I haven't yet figured out how to become perfect, I want to offer yoga classes for people who are like me. Interesting, isn't it, how society tells us all the time that if we smile this way, use this product, or own this thing, that this will somehow make us perfect, or be an indication of how we have finally achieved perfection? Funny, though, I have yet to meet a perfect person. I suppose the goal we have been seeking is actually unattainable after all. Despite my initial disappointment at this discovery, I realized that this is actually a relief. So I can just show up as me? Great. Here I am. If you too are imperfect and want to show up as you, I am ready to meet you where you are. Even if you show up as different versions of yourself based on the current moment in your life. Even if you are stronger one day and less the next, even if you take some time to recalibrate and return to your favorite version of you, one day, hour, minute, or week at a time. I look forward to meeting you where you are, and celebrating that beautifully broken and wonderfully imperfect human being. If you are ready to show up authentically as you, I look forward to meeting you on the mat as me.
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If I were to take any lesson from the children whom I am teaching in my yoga classes, it is that feelings are for feeling, when we need to roar, we roar, and when we need to balance, we balance. As I moved into my I Can Balance Yoga series, I noticed two unique developments that were emerging in my online yoga classes. One is that children are finally starting to show the toll that this period of mourning and grace and an overall slowing in our world, and two, that when it is necessary, we just need to roar. Along with balancing poses like eagle and dancer, we also practiced warrior poses moving toward a balancing Warrior III pose. During each of the warrior poses, as in moments past in other yoga classes, I invited the children to roar like a warrior, and this time, they took the mighty part of warrior quite seriously, as they did, indeed, roar. And not just a little bit, and not just the children who would fall into the extroversion category, and not just once. These children roared out their anxiety, roared out their struggles, and roared out the collective frustration from moving in a world where we had some semblance of control and routine to a world where we have very little, if any, and not just children under the age of eighteen, and not just for a little while, but during a pandemic and for long enough to have to come out from under the blanket that envelops our shoulders in a facade when we pretend during our daily lives that we are the masters of our universe,without any other internal or external guiding force. And as much as I am a strong supporter and outspoken advocate for everyone to reach toward their dreams, like the children, I too see the beauty in internal, as well as external, divine timing. I too see the beauty in the pause. I too see the benefit in running when we need to, balancing when we need to, and roaring when it is the only and inevitable option. In this time of uncertainty, what I know is that the one person that I can control is myself, and another thing that I can count on for sure is that everything is temporary; all of the pain, all of the hurts, and all of the obstacles that I have the opportunity to view as challenges or as next right steps, guiding and leading me towards one of two prevailing themes; when I need to balance and patiently wait for this moment in the storm to pass, I will balance, and when I need to become and transform into the mighty warrior that my five year old version who is always within and inside the inner core of my being, I will roar! All Aboard!!! This week, I taught a kids yoga class to a full room of 4 to 8 year olds a couple of times, and let me just say that I am learning a lot, not only about what kids are going through during this season and how they really are small, little adults in so many ways, but also about how much energy it takes to fly like an eagle, swim like a fish, climb a tree, and peddle a bicycle continuously with people who are, *ahem*, several years younger than you. Through it all, I am constantly reminded of the hope and optimism that soars through little souls and is bounded up in the hearts of little minds, bodies, and spirits!!! While I have been teaching kids yoga, I am reminded time and time again about the importance of self care. For me, this means a steady yoga practice, not only to stretch out my legs after hopping like a bunny and hosting a free spirited dance party in my kids yoga classes, but also to nourish my mental, physical, and spiritual needs on a much deeper level. I have also been going on long walks, a.k.a. the lengths that I used to run when I participated in competitive foot races, and let me just say that the lengths that I need to walk vary on my internal emotional, mental, and spiritual landscape on any given day. I am fortunate to have enough privilege to be able to participate in all of these activities, especially in a time when others are mourning the loss of loved ones or wondering how they are going to put enough food on the table for their families. Even as a 'newly strengthened by fire yoga instructor,' who is still learning the ropes and moving into new styles, techniques, and modalities on a regular basis, it is not lost on me that there are countless others who would love to be able to eat, work, and live in the level of comfort to which I have been blessed to be accustomed. Self care also means a steady meditation practice, although meditation has come to mean different things for me during this time. Sometimes I fall asleep listening to More Myself, a book by Alicia Keys, while the piano riffs lull me into sleep as I dream of achieving my personal best version of myself and dreams, and other nights it is all I can do to listen to Glennon Doyle's new book, Untamed, in her humble, vulnerable, and compassionate style of writing that not only speaks to us as women, but to all souls on the human planet of existence. In an effort to master meditation, I have been offering a couple additional meditations to what I hope is the populations that need them most, both medical professionals and teachers in the latest series that I have shared on Insight Timer. Although it would be lovely to say that I will come out of this quarantine with a strong handle on how to teach every unique and varied hue of meditation, for now, I am focused on first offering what I know and secondly and slowly, little by little, attending new workshops and seminars and adding additional repertoire to my knowledge base. Most importantly, I am focused on providing what little I can, when I can, to allow my light to shine on those who no longer remember what their flame looks like, so that together we can grow an eternal fire that brightens the path of everyone whom we encounter in this beautiful, and sometimes messy, awe inspiring journey that we are always blessed, even though it sometimes may appear otherwise, to call life! I am more and more thankful for my time on mission as time goes on. During a time such as this, when I have the option of being stir crazy because of not being able to get out of the house, I realize how important it is to have the gifts of contemplation, reflection, and introspection. These are all gifts that I received on mission, and I will tell you about how that happened to me now. Before going on mission, if you asked me whether I was an introvert or an extrovert, I would have said, quickly and perhaps a bit too loudly, "An extrovert." In a time of social media memes becoming more prevalent than the three main news channels were in my childhood, I am hearing a different story. I still have the option of believing or not that story, but either way, the message is being received. Even though my Meyer's Briggs category always comes back ENFJ, I am starting to think that the needle is moving away from the "E" for extrovert and closer to the "I" for introvert on a regular basis. The one thing that was louder than anything else in my time on mission was silence, and I am starting to see its effects on the world, and its effects on myself. Although it may be an extremely unpopular opinion, I am grateful beyond belief for the time in self reflection and the pause that can be felt around the world. Instead of wanting back old routines that were long past their expiration date, I am yearning for time to find out who I am, and more time to explore who I am without all of the outside chatter that the world usually provides. One incredible surprise from this time for me is that a world of new opportunities is opening up for me. I am doing the things that I always pictured in my daydreams, but erroneously thought that they were out of reach, because I needed things outside of me to pursue them, like education, resources, and perfectionism. What I am learning, instead, during this moment of reprieve, is that it is less about what is outside of me and more about what is inside of me. When I listen to the still, small voice of my soul, it sends me messages of how I can achieve things that I thought were impossible. For example, I am recording and sharing meditations that are being heard internationally overnight, simply because I listened to the call to help others in a way that showcases the gifts that God has divinely passed on to me. I have had the opportunity to sit in the silence of my soul, and it has led me to find what I needed in the moment, and then to share that need with the world so that I may be of service to others. The same is true for my kid's yoga classes. What an uplifting moment in the day of a preschooler when he or she knows that their voice is being heard by a circle of children and adults, and I have now searched out a way to share this gift online to give the tools of self healing and rejuvenation to a group that otherwise would not have had access, and all because I was able to slowly and intentionally move away from fear and toward where my passion to work with children and inspire and empower them aligns with the need to have an outlet for a four or five year old child. What is my prayer for you as you are exploring new experiences in challenging ways? That you find a way to hear the still, small voice in your soul, and that you allow it to lead you to new adventures that you believed were outside of your reach, and by doing so, that you allow your light to shine in your own little way, because adding it to the little lights of others, we will create a glow that soothes and protects our hearts as it nourishes and strengthens the world! And so, as in all good stories, I saved the best for last. I am currently beginning a new phase in my yoga chapter with teaching at the YMCA, in a pathway toward eventually teaching yoga as an alternative therapy to domestic violence survivors in Cochabamba, Bolivia. As my vision has only clarified since coming back to the United States and thinking of my loved ones in Bolivia on a regular basis, it has come to my attention that the ways in which I am able to serve the community while working at the YMCA are giving me hands on training to work on my goal to inspire and empower survivors of trauma wherever I go and whatever I do. For example, working with students who would not otherwise have access to water while teaching SPLASH classes has given me the opportunity to pull aside and dedicate more time to students who are struggling emotionally, whether on or off of the spectrum, and let them know that someone is willing to validate their feelings and show them that they care. In smaller swim lessons, I am able to work with students at their own pace and provide positive reinforcements to allow them to find their own solutions to problems and celebrate victories, large and small. And in our Early Learning Community (ELC) swim lessons, I am able to work with classroom teachers and the program director to ensure that potential trauma response moments are addressed immediately and communicated effectively and in a way that is beneficial to the student and their families, Although my current class offerings are geared toward adults, I am in the early planning stages to offer children's yoga to the preschoolers who currently attend Gym and Swim classes with us, and I can't wait to begin the journey to provide yet another resource to children who are just beginning to learn self and emotional regulation. Notwithstanding my preconceptions about what lifeguarding would entail, I have also had many "come to church" moments with adult patrons, discussing everything from life histories of being raised in generations that tolerated violence and even hearing a sexual violence disclosure that was one of the first times that the survivor shared her story with anyone. In my current yoga classes, I am offering a spiritual practice focused on the seven chakras, and beginning each class with intentions that focus on creating a safe space, valuing the dignity and honor of each human being, and providing a place for a mind, body, and spirit connection that is holistic in its approach to accompany individuals to find their own way to healing and peace. It is my intention to always live my life from a place of integrity, transparency, and holding true to my convictions of character while working on creating the best possible version of myself, and I am happy to say that I have found the opportunity to do so in my current journey, with the goal of doing so for the rest of my life. As a follow up to my last post, I have recently been seeking out a yoga studio to offer a message to others that they are welcome, worthy, and enough, and that they can do more than they dream possible. I have been searching for a place to offer a yoga practice that is inclusive, open, and supports those who could use a little extra care in their time of need, and I believe I have found that place with Twisted Pretzel Yoga. From the moment I was introduced to Maria through a mutual friend, I felt at ease and knew that I was in the presence of a good human. She is one of those people who is filled with integrity and a deep sense of care for others, and a personal responsibility to spread this care through the way she lives her life. I am happy to know her, and thrilled to be collaborating to offer my first teaching experience to support survivors with Thrive ICT and in a Yoga for Healing and Wellness Camp environment. In keeping with my own commitment to personal growth and integrity, I know that I will be able to share a yoga practice that encourages others to reach to the outer limits of their comfort zones, while remaining in the inner limits of one's safety zone, as this is how I practice daily as well. I am thankful for the opportunity to share in the beautiful dance that is seeking the mind, body, and spirit connection and to be able to do so with empathy, respect, and humility. I am passionate about eventually being able to invite survivors of domestic violence to join my yoga practice in Cochabamba, Bolivia, and am excited to give the opportunity to survivors locally to experience the same care and love for self until I am physically present in Bolivia once more. Recently I posted about my plans and goals for this year, and one of them that I have been working on quite fervently is the physically "fit and free" one. Rather than dwelling on what is wrong with me, with my body, or with the mind, body, spirit connection, I have been focusing on what I can improve, and I hope that this continues throughout the rest of my life. A sweet soul shared with me a physical therapy regimen for fixing my iliotibial band, and I will be forever thankful to him for doing so out of his free time and without a cost, at least to me. As I have been working on strengthening and stretching this area, I have noticed an undeniable connection between my hip and shoulder on my left side - every time that I do a lateral leg lift, my left shoulder pops. In the meantime, I have been researching what a winged scapula is, and how it can be strengthened to improve the strength in my serratus anterior, thereby allowing me to do more inversions (read: upside down poses) in my yoga practice. Who would have thought that all of this would be related? In western medicine, we are taught that each individual area of the body is a separate compartment, like a drawer in a dresser. However, as is true with the dresser, if one of our legs were injured or severely removed, our foundation would be shaken. For years, I have been asking one part of my body to do more than its fair share, and then wondering why it is aching when it does so. Since the foundation has been shaken for such a long time, it stands to reason that the rest of the structure would be aching as it compensates for the extra weight that I have been asking another part to handle. The point is, instead of spreading the weight evenly and justly, I have asked more of one area than it could give, and so the entire structure has been struggling to adjust to my request. Although this rings true for the physical components of my body, it stands to reason that it rings true for the other parts as well. If I ask more of my mental area, then my emotional area suffers, and if I ask more of my emotional area, then my spiritual area suffers. My goal is to align all of these areas - physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, so that what shows on the outside of my body is also true on the inside. I strive to have integrity in every step I take, and in doing so, to treat my body, spirit, and mind justly and with care so that what I give to myself, I can give to the world. Day 61: give balloons out at the hospital - I thought it would be a nice idea to give balloons out on either the children's floor or in the Children's Mercy Hospital, so I went to get the balloons aired up. First I went back to the Dollar Tree, which is where I originally purchased the balloons, and the employee with whom explained that although they could not put helium in latex balloons, she thought that Dillon's could. So I was on to Dillon's to ask the floral department, and the young lady who worked there told me with a smile on her face (to match the smiles on the balloons) that she could do it in about 10 minutes! After she finished airing up the balloons, I headed to the hospital, parked on the yellow floor (to match the yellow balloons), and first stopped at the pediatrics unit. When the nurses said "yes" initially and buzzed me in, I went to the nurses station and was greeted with about 12 smiling and apologetic nurses who told me that the hospital has a policy against latex for allergy reasons. As I told them I understood and explained that this was a "rejection therapy" project, they thanked me and graciously made me feel welcome on their floor. Leaving the hospital, I thought of the park with the zoo nearby, and that perhaps there would be some children there who would like the balloons. It was still open for half an hour, and the sun was still up, so I was on my way! Lesson 61 - perseverance pays off, and smiles are contagious :). I found a family getting out of the car when I arrived at the park, so immediately I was able to give away 4 balloons (and one flew away as I was handing them out and both brother and sister were reaching for them at the same time). Then I was down to 6, and I headed to the playground to hand out the final balloons, asking parents if their children could have them as much as possible. It wasn't long before I headed to the zoo and saw a cute beaver trying to gnaw its way out of the enclosure, beautiful birds with feeding time fish, and lots of water where the turtles live. On my way out, one of the kids from the initial family said, "hey, the balloons are gone," and I thought to myself, "how nice it is to be noticed." Day 62: pick up someone else's coffee - I was extremely fortunate to receive a Starbuck's gift card from a friend for a birthday gift (thanks, April!), so I was able to "pay it forward' by covering the coffee in the car behind me. Lesson 62 - In my Hot Asana Yoga teacher training we just read the "yama" of Brahmacharya, i.e. non-excess. Although my Starbuck's purchase was just one drink, and the purchase in the car behind me was enough to amount to my getting one more drink out of my card, one more drink is all I need! Day 63: give a care package to someone living on the street - this was my third care package in a sequence of care packages that I purchased together, and the woman who received it was extremely thankful and exchanged more human connection with me in that brief interaction that I have received in several hours' presence in the company of those who do are not currently in need. Lesson 63 - patience is a virtue, and I passed up several homeless (as we currently label them in this country) people before I felt the gentle tug of the still, small voice to give to this woman in need. Day 55 - offer someone a free drink: For the first time ever, I was turned down at a Starbuck's from being able to buy a drink for someone else. I was inside, and at both the counter and the drive thru, I was told that I could not buy a drink for anyone because there was no one for whom to buy. Lesson #55: As we have been learning in hot yoga instructor training, sometimes being available for someone is much better than offering help that they are not ready to receive. We are reading the book, The Yamas and Niyamas in my yoga teacher training, and the first chapter speaks to ahimsa, or nonviolence, and even asserts that offering help could be a form of violence if it is not sought at the time. Day 56 - give balloons to everyone on my grandmother's hospital floor: I tried on one day to ask the gift shop to put helium in the balloons and learned that to put helium in twelve balloons times the amount it would cost per balloon was outside of my current budget, so I proceeded back to her hospital room and confirmed what I had when she was in intensive care - that blowing up a balloon with my own resources would allow it to be used in a game of pass the balloon; however, it would not be sufficient for allowing them to float so that other patients who may not be as cognizant would be able to see them in their rooms. The next day, I asked my mom if she would be willing to go half on the helium for the balloons and she agreed and we proceeded to pay for them before the gift shop attendant remembered to ask what type of balloons we had and confirm that those would not work with the helium. Lesson #56: Do what you can, when you can, with everything you have. Although I did not have the resources at the time to pull off the balloon random act of kindness, it is a good idea for another day! Day 57 - buy food for the hungry: I encountered a gentleman outside of the pharmacy when I went to pick up something for my grandmother and when I asked him if he needed anything, he replied that he hadn't eaten yet today. So I asked him what he would like and together we formed a plan that would bring him the nourishment he needed while allowing me to make a cost effective purchase. When I returned with his happy meal, I also asked him if he would like any fruit, as I had just gone to the grocery store and had opted for the less healthy choices based on my lack of knowledge of what would be available. He confirmed that he could eat an orange and I exchanged this with him for the toy that came with the meal. Day #57: Sometimes it is about listening to what others tell us they need instead of giving them what we think would be best for them! Day 46 - volunteer to be the first to share in Hot Yoga Instructor training: We played 2 truths and a lie, and there are 22 of us in the training at Hot Asana Yoga plus our instructor, Gina. Lesson 46: It pays to be the first sometimes, because you get to set the stage for how the rest of the icebreaker goes. I did this for my Lifeguard certification course, too, and it was amazing how much more energy was in the room when I stood on my chair to give my introduction ;). Day 47 - leave inspirational notes in the Derby library: Has anyone who is local ever been to this library? It is beautiful, the entire building looks like an art gallery, and there is actually a section that is dedicated to local art and rotates periodically. When I was in there to do my rejection therapy project, there was a high school art exhibit, and the time before, there was beautiful art and I believe there may have been some famous artists mixed in between. I went to the library and left inspirational notes in the self help section, inspired by a friend of mine who recently started making book marks out of stickers with inspirational sayings that she had around the house and was never going to use in another way. This gave me an opportunity not only to take in the sights at the Derby library, but also to relax and read for half an hour after - a luxury that I have not recently had with my lifeguard certification classes and hot yoga instructor training. Lesson 47: It took a couple of days after my lifeguard certification classes ended to get back in the swing of things with the start of my hot yoga instructor classes, and it is good to be reminded by someone who has not committed to 100 days of rejection therapy of the importance to staying committed to the cause. Day 48 - give a goodie bag to someone living in the street: In Bolivia, instead of saying that someone is homeless, we say that they are "living in the situation of the street." This actually makes a lot more sense, because for most people who are living in the street, it is a temporary situation. I was surprised again and again when I participated in Sant'Egidio in Washington, D.C. and found out that most of the people who were living in the street had been evicted from apartments, had lost their jobs, and were living on the street as a result of conditions outside of their control. Lesson 48: This was true for the woman I met yesterday as well. She talked to me about going to my hairstylist at my salon (two things I do not possess, but it taught me that she knew from prior experience that these things exist), asked me where I worked, and was generally in the know about things that you and I discuss on a daily basis. Another thing that I was reminded of is that people are generally surprised at how open we are with them, while we are surprised at how open they are with us. |
AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
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