Thank You for Your Patience Although I realize that I kind of "fell off the wagon" when it comes to reporting (and perhaps even doing) rejection therapy projects on a daily basis, I wanted to wrap up this project and the year by sharing some of the adventures that I was blessed to experience as part of this process. Remember Jia, the guy who created the Rejection Therapy project? I was blessed and fortunate to have the opportunity to do a rejection therapy project with him, beta testing his app and reporting along the way my journey with a group of complete strangers. Final Rejection Therapy Projects What were some of the rejection therapy projects I undertook? I did a couple of "buy a coffee for the next person" projects; however, the most impactful project in which I participated was to leave flowers at the grave site of my grandparents who died when I was young, and with whom I had not reconciled after learning of some bad choices that they had made while still alive. This project was both personal and life giving, as the feeling that I now have every time I drive by their cemetery is much different than the one I used to have before giving myself the grace and space to forgive them and open up more room in my heart for love. One day, I sent a care package to the daughter of a very sweet person with whom I attended high school and whose daughter had been in the hospital for some time. I received a very sweet note thanking me for the package and exclaiming that it was as if I had known her daughter my entire life (even though the two of us have not met). Even though the rejection therapy project with Jia was only a week, what I really liked about this challenge is that he gave examples and suggestions for each project, separating them into different categories and giving real world ideas so that we could take the ball and run to make the world a better place. Another thing I really appreciated about this opportunity was that he sent us messages of encouragement and asked good questions, creating a type of mentor and mentee relationship that can be helpful for everyone. Lessons Learned What did I learn over the course of this 100 day project? One of the biggest and best lessons was that it is possible to make a small change in the life of others that can have a big and lasting impact. In Matthew Kelly's latest book, The Biggest Lie in the History of Christianity, he talks about how the saints were not actually perfect people, either, and how even though we put them on a pedestal and can sometimes feel like it is impossible to aspire to their levels of greatness, that saintly moments are created one habit at a time, and that our actions become our habits and our habits become our lives (does this sound familiar? It is the quote that I use on my blog site from the first Matthew Kelly book I read). It is truly possible, therefore, to become saints if we choose a trajectory of life that leads us on a path of one good choice after another. Even if we falter, this does not take us out of the running as saints. What is important is that we get back up and try again, and that we live our lives with integrity and passion. I am reminded of another of my favorite gurus, Rachel Hollis, and how she says that the biggest passion projects in our lives take time, and even though I found massively fast and positive results with rejection therapy, I think the biggest change is my mindset over the long haul. From time to time, I have to remind myself that even though I do not always make the choices that will lead to my goals in every infinitesimal interaction, that I am still a good person and that every small try leads me closer to success in the bigger and overarching areas of my life. Another lesson that I learned most drastically in Bolivia while on mission, but that I was reminded of again and again during my rejection therapy project, was to run towards my fears. Sometimes, these fears are small, like being pleasant to someone whom I think doesn't like me very much, or putting on a smile yet again when I am scared that I am going to be rejected by someone that I don't know. Other times, however, these fears are big, like apologizing for something that does not fit with my personal integrity or with how I define my interior peace and character. Each time that I interact in one of these difficult conversations with courage and with humility, it increases my confidence in myself and makes it that much easier for the next time that this comes up. In Conclusion Let me know if you have any final suggestions for random acts of kindness or growth projects for the future! As I end many of my Miracle Morning blogs, I am a child of the One True King, always learning, always growing.
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Day 61: give balloons out at the hospital - I thought it would be a nice idea to give balloons out on either the children's floor or in the Children's Mercy Hospital, so I went to get the balloons aired up. First I went back to the Dollar Tree, which is where I originally purchased the balloons, and the employee with whom explained that although they could not put helium in latex balloons, she thought that Dillon's could. So I was on to Dillon's to ask the floral department, and the young lady who worked there told me with a smile on her face (to match the smiles on the balloons) that she could do it in about 10 minutes! After she finished airing up the balloons, I headed to the hospital, parked on the yellow floor (to match the yellow balloons), and first stopped at the pediatrics unit. When the nurses said "yes" initially and buzzed me in, I went to the nurses station and was greeted with about 12 smiling and apologetic nurses who told me that the hospital has a policy against latex for allergy reasons. As I told them I understood and explained that this was a "rejection therapy" project, they thanked me and graciously made me feel welcome on their floor. Leaving the hospital, I thought of the park with the zoo nearby, and that perhaps there would be some children there who would like the balloons. It was still open for half an hour, and the sun was still up, so I was on my way! Lesson 61 - perseverance pays off, and smiles are contagious :). I found a family getting out of the car when I arrived at the park, so immediately I was able to give away 4 balloons (and one flew away as I was handing them out and both brother and sister were reaching for them at the same time). Then I was down to 6, and I headed to the playground to hand out the final balloons, asking parents if their children could have them as much as possible. It wasn't long before I headed to the zoo and saw a cute beaver trying to gnaw its way out of the enclosure, beautiful birds with feeding time fish, and lots of water where the turtles live. On my way out, one of the kids from the initial family said, "hey, the balloons are gone," and I thought to myself, "how nice it is to be noticed." Day 62: pick up someone else's coffee - I was extremely fortunate to receive a Starbuck's gift card from a friend for a birthday gift (thanks, April!), so I was able to "pay it forward' by covering the coffee in the car behind me. Lesson 62 - In my Hot Asana Yoga teacher training we just read the "yama" of Brahmacharya, i.e. non-excess. Although my Starbuck's purchase was just one drink, and the purchase in the car behind me was enough to amount to my getting one more drink out of my card, one more drink is all I need! Day 63: give a care package to someone living on the street - this was my third care package in a sequence of care packages that I purchased together, and the woman who received it was extremely thankful and exchanged more human connection with me in that brief interaction that I have received in several hours' presence in the company of those who do are not currently in need. Lesson 63 - patience is a virtue, and I passed up several homeless (as we currently label them in this country) people before I felt the gentle tug of the still, small voice to give to this woman in need. Day 58: give a care package to someone who needs it - my grandmother and I were on the way to one of her appointments, and we saw a man on the side of the interstate with a sign asking for a bit of extra help. So I reached into the backseat and pulled out one of the care bags that I made a while ago and were just waiting for someone who really needed them. Lesson 58 - Although it took nearly nothing, hardly any effort on our part at all, the individual who received the care package greeted us with the following words, "I appreciate you. God bless you." We would have missed the opportunity to be blessed with this kind of an interaction had we looked straight ahead, through an individual, as we so often do in our busy days, weeks, and months. Day 59: let someone go in front of me in the grocery store - although this gesture is simple, it met the criteria of a rejection therapy project as it was something that I would not normally do and required effort on my part in patience and giving, as I would have rather just taken the cue that I received from the cashier that a new lane was opening and gone about my merry way. Lesson 59 - blessings sometimes come in the form of rain; I really did not feel like letting the individual go in front of me; however, once I did, I was compelled to offer the individual behind her who only had a couple of items the same courtesy, and he turned it around and extended the courtesy to me instead! Day 60: translate for someone in Spanish - although this technically does not meet my rejection therapy project criteria, as I would have done it anyway, I am desperate for new material and am taking what I can get. Lesson 60 - the individual who came into my grandmother's doctor's office searching for someone who spoke Spanish to direct her to the pharmacy in the same building was extremely appreciative to have someone to help her, and I felt as if the roles were reversed from so many times that someone helped me in Bolivia through charades, a smile, or a helpful nudge in the right direction. Day 55 - offer someone a free drink: For the first time ever, I was turned down at a Starbuck's from being able to buy a drink for someone else. I was inside, and at both the counter and the drive thru, I was told that I could not buy a drink for anyone because there was no one for whom to buy. Lesson #55: As we have been learning in hot yoga instructor training, sometimes being available for someone is much better than offering help that they are not ready to receive. We are reading the book, The Yamas and Niyamas in my yoga teacher training, and the first chapter speaks to ahimsa, or nonviolence, and even asserts that offering help could be a form of violence if it is not sought at the time. Day 56 - give balloons to everyone on my grandmother's hospital floor: I tried on one day to ask the gift shop to put helium in the balloons and learned that to put helium in twelve balloons times the amount it would cost per balloon was outside of my current budget, so I proceeded back to her hospital room and confirmed what I had when she was in intensive care - that blowing up a balloon with my own resources would allow it to be used in a game of pass the balloon; however, it would not be sufficient for allowing them to float so that other patients who may not be as cognizant would be able to see them in their rooms. The next day, I asked my mom if she would be willing to go half on the helium for the balloons and she agreed and we proceeded to pay for them before the gift shop attendant remembered to ask what type of balloons we had and confirm that those would not work with the helium. Lesson #56: Do what you can, when you can, with everything you have. Although I did not have the resources at the time to pull off the balloon random act of kindness, it is a good idea for another day! Day 57 - buy food for the hungry: I encountered a gentleman outside of the pharmacy when I went to pick up something for my grandmother and when I asked him if he needed anything, he replied that he hadn't eaten yet today. So I asked him what he would like and together we formed a plan that would bring him the nourishment he needed while allowing me to make a cost effective purchase. When I returned with his happy meal, I also asked him if he would like any fruit, as I had just gone to the grocery store and had opted for the less healthy choices based on my lack of knowledge of what would be available. He confirmed that he could eat an orange and I exchanged this with him for the toy that came with the meal. Day #57: Sometimes it is about listening to what others tell us they need instead of giving them what we think would be best for them! Day 52 - buy coffee for someone on Easter: I actually missed a day in the last series, and then remembered after the fact that I bought coffee for the person behind me on Easter Sunday, thankful for both the fact that I had something hot to drink on a cold day, and much more importantly that El ha resucitado...Jesus has risen!
Lesson #52: I am not sure whether I will keep up with my coffee fast now that lent is over, but I did order a chai tea and pay for the drinks for more than one person behind me...which was a blessing on both counts. Day 53 - contact Jake Nawrocki once more: I promised myself that if I waited until I was halfway through with my rejection therapy series, that I could contact Jake (from Operation Self Reset) again and see if he was interested in collaborating with me on some special projects. Lesson #53: At this point, it doesn't matter whether he interviews me or not for my rejection therapy project, because it is no longer about me. I am, however, hopeful that he will respond positively to a couple of rejection therapy ideas I have for how we can collaborate to advance a nonprofit with whom I am working, and that I can help him with some information about how to help survivors of trauma. Day 54 - help someone at the grocery store: I got into a conversation about papaya, and while I didn't initially think of it as a rejection therapy project, it met the criteria of something I wouldn't normally do as well as the other three criteria. Plus, I did 600 calories on the treadmill today and I was pretty tired.... Lesson # 54: When you help someone who you normally wouldn't, you end up having the most interesting conversations...and find appreciation in ways unexpected. Although I initially hesitated to say anything, she ended up being very interested in my advice and thanked for me the help. The reason I said something is because she was talking about how big a papaya was that could potentially fit in the palm of your hand, so I commented about how big papayas are in Bolivia, and we ended up discussing how to solve her digestion issues with papaya seeds! Day 49 - leave inspirational notes in library books: First I tried to give blood and found the location closed, then I went to the downtown library and asked if I could leave inspirational notes in the self-help books, and was told that the supervisor who would need to approve my request was in a meeting and that I could instead call her on Monday to ask permission. Lesson 49: This is an old lesson, and yet it still stands the test of time - sometimes it is better to receive a rejection to allow myself some relaxation time, especially during the Easter weekend. I was grateful for the opportunity to instead locate the Spanish section of the library and read a teen book to pass the time called No Te Vayas. Day 50 - give blood: I really expected to be turned away because I have been out of the country within the last couple of years, and because the last time I gave blood in the US, I had to look at a very detailed map of both Peru and Bolivia and answer a lot of questions before I could do so...but surprisingly, I was approved! Lesson 50: I was glad that I was able to give blood, because I was the only one in the center. It was the day after a holiday, so I suppose it makes sense. And the other lesson is, the next time I give blood, my blood donation can go for the premie babies! Day 51 - leave inspirational notes in library books: During this rejection therapy blog series, we are going full circle! I was committed to showing up in person instead of calling back the downtown library, so I went back and was promptly sent up three flights of stairs to the switchboard. On my way up, I had two thoughts: 1) I feel like I am in Bolivia again, asking myself, "the switchboard, what does this mean?" and 2) perhaps the joke/punishment was just to send me up three flights of stairs to make me winded enough so that when I get upstairs I can't ask my question because I can't breathe. Thankfully, though, "the switchboard" was a very customer service friendly woman talking on a headset. She told me that she would take down my information and have someone contact me. Lesson 51: We truly have come full circle, because I am back to the beginning, with a twist. This time instead of me contacting someone, they are going to contact me. Again, I took it as a good sign that the woman with whom I spoke was willing to pass on my contact information, reviewed my notes, and even told me that she thought it was a good idea! Day 46 - volunteer to be the first to share in Hot Yoga Instructor training: We played 2 truths and a lie, and there are 22 of us in the training at Hot Asana Yoga plus our instructor, Gina. Lesson 46: It pays to be the first sometimes, because you get to set the stage for how the rest of the icebreaker goes. I did this for my Lifeguard certification course, too, and it was amazing how much more energy was in the room when I stood on my chair to give my introduction ;). Day 47 - leave inspirational notes in the Derby library: Has anyone who is local ever been to this library? It is beautiful, the entire building looks like an art gallery, and there is actually a section that is dedicated to local art and rotates periodically. When I was in there to do my rejection therapy project, there was a high school art exhibit, and the time before, there was beautiful art and I believe there may have been some famous artists mixed in between. I went to the library and left inspirational notes in the self help section, inspired by a friend of mine who recently started making book marks out of stickers with inspirational sayings that she had around the house and was never going to use in another way. This gave me an opportunity not only to take in the sights at the Derby library, but also to relax and read for half an hour after - a luxury that I have not recently had with my lifeguard certification classes and hot yoga instructor training. Lesson 47: It took a couple of days after my lifeguard certification classes ended to get back in the swing of things with the start of my hot yoga instructor classes, and it is good to be reminded by someone who has not committed to 100 days of rejection therapy of the importance to staying committed to the cause. Day 48 - give a goodie bag to someone living in the street: In Bolivia, instead of saying that someone is homeless, we say that they are "living in the situation of the street." This actually makes a lot more sense, because for most people who are living in the street, it is a temporary situation. I was surprised again and again when I participated in Sant'Egidio in Washington, D.C. and found out that most of the people who were living in the street had been evicted from apartments, had lost their jobs, and were living on the street as a result of conditions outside of their control. Lesson 48: This was true for the woman I met yesterday as well. She talked to me about going to my hairstylist at my salon (two things I do not possess, but it taught me that she knew from prior experience that these things exist), asked me where I worked, and was generally in the know about things that you and I discuss on a daily basis. Another thing that I was reminded of is that people are generally surprised at how open we are with them, while we are surprised at how open they are with us. Day 43: get a care package for the sick girl in class - There was a girl in my lifeguard certification class from day two who was coughing and sneezing, and we spent our afternoons in the pool. Since I knew how miserable she must feel, I thought a little care package with mini kleenex (with inspirational messages), packages of menthol infused feet soak, honey and lemon cough drops, menthol to rub on her nose, temples, and anywhere else that might help, and a package of assorted cold and throat remedy teas would be what I would want in a similar situation. Lesson 43 - Giving something without expecting anything in return always makes you feel good, and blesses the giver as much as the receiver. Although she thanked me twice, and I appreciated it, the point was offering something to someone that would lift their spirits as well as their illness. Day 44: ask to have a workout studio setup in the room next to our classes - Since we were learning about how to exercise to sustain our lifeguard responsibilities, I thought it only fitting to have a way to workout in the room next to our classroom. Adding on the fact that we were learning in an extremely intensive way how to save peoples' lives (testing each day on the material we learned, studying for multiple hours at home, as well as taking online assessments), so I thought some stress relief and waking up the feel good endorphins in our bodies would be a plus. Before class one day, I asked a front desk staff member if she would be willing to check the schedule to see if the room was available, and if so if it would be possible to have some balance balls, yoga mats, and a foam roller to stretch our sore muscles. Lesson 44 - Although the girl at the front desk was very friendly, she told me that it was not her primary job duty and she would check if she had time. I thanked her and went into the classroom, and my request ended up being a mental note to request of the trainers for future classes - if you can't help yourself, at least help someone else! Day 45: buy someone behind me in line a coffee - Or whatever their order was, as I was going through the Starbuck's line again to try to get some strength to sustain me for my afternoon swimming assessments. I had studied rescues at home for seven hours the day before, and wanted to make sure I had enough energy physically to match my mental energy. Lesson 45 - People remember and appreciate you when they see you doing multiple random acts of kindness. The girl at the window was really friendly, asked me if I needed either receipt knowing what the answer would be, and thanked me as I left. Day 40 - ask to place "the scale is only a number" sign at the YMCA: I know what you are thinking, I have done this before; however, this was my first day of lifeguard certification training and my final local YMCA, the furthest from my house. So I took my sign courageously up to the front desk and first asked where to check in for lifeguard certification training, then asked if I could place the sign. I was promptly told that this was against company policy, and although I explained that he was the only YMCA that had said no, he repeated that it was against company policy. Lesson #40: Applaud people when they give you what you want and when they don't: I told him that he was doing a good job at upholding company policy and that rejections are good; after all, this is rejection therapy. Day 41 - ask to place inspirational notes at the Dollar Tree: I have noticed, and am wondering if anyone else has, that the Dollar Tree now carries books...and yes, they are only a dollar! I found my favorite author in hardcover, and generally his books would retail for $13 or more in paperback. So, when I went to the Dillon's floral department and found it closed, with the idea to ask to hand out to customers the flowers that were going to expire that day, I went to the opposite side of the intersection and figured I would try my luck at the Dollar Tree. Lesson #41: God is good and generous. I was exhausted from having completed the physical fitness portion of the lifeguard certification test the day before, and really just wanted to go home and sleep after spending over twelve hours on the online certification portion. This time I was thankful for a rejection, and went home knowing that everything happens for a reason. Day 42 - perform a random act of coffee kindness: I had a limited amount of time and a calling to do something nice for someone else, so I pulled through the coffee line at a Starbuck's and asked to pay for the coffee for the person behind me. As it turned out, that person had a mobile order, so the cashier ended up asking me if I would like to pay for the person being them, which of course I did want to do so. Lesson #42: I think the cashier was a little confused because she thought that I knew the person behind me at first, and then realized that this was more than that. She hesitantly asked me if I was willing to pay an amount that was larger than normal, and I responded with a "yes" and a smile. I suppose that the lesson here is "do the best you can with what you have." Day 36: host a free coloring session at a local cafe: When I was chatting with the girl who works at Park Grounds, she suggested that I go to the local university to get people who would be more engaged. So, I went to a cafe at Wichita State University and set up a table for an hour...the first half an hour I actively engaged in the activity and the second half an hour I worked on my computer, with the same results for both. Lesson #36 - Although no one joined me for my coloring session, it was therapeutic for me to take some time to relax and unwind from an otherwise busy day. Day 37: ask Planet Fitness to extend an unused membership: My grandmother has been donating, as I explained it to Planet Fitness, monthly and generously to them for two years now, and has not been able to use her gym membership once. Lesson #37: Persistence can sometimes pay off - or so it may seem. When I went in the first time, I was given the option of cancelling her membership, and declined based on the fact that I had not yet discussed it with her. After discussing it with my grandmother, I went in a second time and the (very friendly and strong customer service) Planet Fitness representative told me that I was talking to the manager earlier, gave me his card, and explained that "he works with people like this all the time." Day 38: leave inspirational notes in the books at Ecclesia: Since I wanted to repurpose some of the Thrive ICT messages carrying hope from an earlier event, I asked Rochelle if she would be willing to let me place some of these notes in the "lending library" style books at her coffee shop, coincidentally where Thrive ICT held its first fundraising event. Lesson #38 - It always surprises me when people thank me for my rejection therapy projects, and this was no exception. Both Rochelle and her mom thanked me for the idea, and welcomed the notes, as they shared that "people really liked them" when we had a basket at the shop before to promote our upcoming event. |
AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
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