Day 34: offer free advice and free hugs: I thought I would give this one more try, so I went in with the idea of placing the first sign for half an hour, then placing the second sign for half an hour, and seeing if the results were any different. Lesson # 34 - I ended up chatting with the girl who works at the cafe the entire time, and she thanked me for offering her therapy and I thanked her for receiving it in return, so all was not lost! Day 35: give a "thank you for being you" note with a payment for the person behind me: I was thinking of how I could mix things up today, and I thought it might be nice to include a thank you note for the person behind me as I paid for their coffee. I drove through the drive through with a smile on my face and in my heart as I passed my note to the person ringing me up, and we waited together for the next person to arrive. When it was time to pay for their order, the employee also gave me a cake pop as a symbol of their appreciation for my doing something nice for someone else! Lesson #35 - This is the first time that I have received anything free for doing a random act of kindness, and it felt nice to know that I was appreciated for doing something nice for others. Day 36: place inspirational notes in books at local used bookstore: I went to Bookaholic today to ask permission to place inspirational notes in their books, and both cashiers immediately said "yes" and thanked me for doing so. I was directed to the self help section by the first cashier who answered, and I emptied the bag I had with me of all of my notes. Lesson #36 - When you are placing notes that say, "you are beautiful," "I let go of limiting beliefs," and "anything is possible," in countless books, a pleasant side effect is that you start to believe it yourself!
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Day 31: read my poetry at a poetry reading: Wow, talk about being vulnerable...there is nothing like opening up your spirit, heart, and soul like reading your own poetry. I took two poems with me, in order to gauge the space and see how much courage I would be able to muster. I also volunteered to read first so that I knew that I would do it and that I wouldn't chicken out. Lesson # 31 - It is a lot harder to read poems in front of a group when you know that there will be discussion questions at the end; however, I was pleasantly surprised with how easy it was for me to read my poetry, and I ended up reading both poems! Day 32: place inspirational messages in jean's pockets: For this one, I went to a local thrift shop, Uptown Cheapskate, and asked as soon as I walked in if it would be alright to place inspirational messages like "you are beautiful" in the jeans pockets at the shop. Lesson # 32 - I received not just one, but three resounding "yes'es," and a "thank you" as I thanked them and walked out of the store. When you do good for others, not only does it make you feel better, but other people actually appreciate your efforts as well...and not always who you thought they would! Day 33: offer free advice at a local cafe: Although I did this at Park Grounds once before, I thought I would try again since there weren't very many people in the cafe, and choose a different location to see if this changed anything. I went to my local Starbuck's and placed a sign, and ended up writing the entire time as no one came up to ask for advice. Lesson # 33 - There seems to be something about offering advice officially (perhaps as a random stranger as opposed to affiliating yourself with a particular organization) that does not encourage people to seek advice from you. However, when I start up a conversation with others, we usually end up exchanging advice spontaneously when it is not actually sought. 0Day 28 - offer to buy food for the person behind me at the game: I went to buy popcorn for myself with a rejection therapy project in mind, so I listened attentively to the little girl behind me when she was telling her mom what she wanted. When it was my turn, I asked for my popcorn, plus a cookie, a breakfast bar, and a bag of chips. When the cashier offered me the selection of breakfast bars, I gestured behind me and said "It is up to her." After the initial confusion, her mom thanked me and I felt better for having done a small act of kindness in a world that sometimes feels bigger to us than it needs to. Lesson #28: Although it never ceases to amaze me how surprised people are when you do something nice for them, these experiences are a constant reminder that we all generally want to same thing out of life - to be loved, to be respected, and to be honored. Day 29 - ask people the best words of advice they have received: We were meeting for my writing group at The Donut Whole, so I went a little early to do my rejection therapy project before the group started. Little did I know that I would be invited to sit down at all four tables, talk to the individuals there for over an hour, and end up at the last table for over half an hour talking about the books on our reading lists and differences and similarities in world religions. Lesson #29: The best words of advice that others have received are as follows: don't take things so seriously and remember to forgive, do good to others even if others aren't good to you, serve the Lord while keeping in mind everything that it entails to be a Christian and always remember that Jesus is the way, don't look back because the future is ahead. Day 30 - ask people their favorite Dr. Seuss quote: This one was inspired by Dr.Seuss' birthday this week, on which he would have been over 100 years old if he were alive. The first four individuals I asked pulled out their phones straight away to look up their exact favorite quote from Dr. Seuss, and it went a little like this... Lesson # 30: Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you will go. To honor the anniversary of the man who wrote the books that captivated children from one to one hundred and two, take a look at these 21 Incredible Quotes to Boost Your Optimism as featured in Goalcast! Here it is...a quarter of the way through! Tallying the "Yes'es" and "No,s" I have received an overwhelming majority of "Yes" responses, only a couple of "No" responses, and a handful of responses that are too subjective to tell. My most prevalent lesson so far is that this project is affecting my life - I am noticing that I am being nicer in general - feeling called to be nicer at home after being nicer to strangers on the street. Day #25 - place inspirational messages inside library books: I tried this the other day and the library ended up being closed, so today I decided to go for it and I am glad I gave it another try. I placed inspirational notes in the teen section first, then the self help section, and found appropriate books for each of the sayings, "you are beautiful," "you are special," "you are worthy," and the longer version, "your worth cannot be measured by your waist size, the clothes you wear, or the car you drive." I was excited to put notes in books where I thought the reader may especially benefit from it, and I had fun seeing the latest teen books that are out there...which was a lesson in itself, as they were much more advanced than I remembered from my teenage years. Lesson # 25: I had to relearn the lesson that you can't judge a book by its cover, literally. Although I saw myself being drawn towards books that I thought were appropriate or gave a strong message or even to look for a section that applied, I instead trusted my intuition (*let God take the wheel*) and placed notes where I was being led to place them instead of relying on my own personal preferences and surrendered control. Day #26 - help girl scouts to sell cookies: I have seen girl scouts selling cookies at my local Dillon's for some time now, so I thought I would help to spread some sunshine by helping them to sell their cookies. I went to two different Dillon's grocery stores, and although the Starbuck's employee confirmed that there was a girl scouts sighting with a dad and daughter and a table, by the time I arrived they had left. So I did what any good rejection therapy scout does and instead sought rejection from him and his fellow employee...by offering each of them a drink. When they both declined, I ended up buying a drink for the woman behind me, and I called it a night. Lesson #26: If I really want to conquer "rejecting rejection," then I need to dive right in (always less appealing, but better in the long run, than sticking your pinky toe in first) instead of doing what I do best, which is making friends with the people with whom I am interacting and softening the blow of asking for something later. Although it appears that easier could be better if my goal is "rejecting rejection," my goal is also and more importantly getting stronger at accepting rejection, and this requires a deep dive. Day # 27 - bake with Brittney at Park Grounds Coffee: I have always wanted to spend a day, or even an afternoon, baking gluten free goodies at this yummy cafe with a relaxed atmosphere, so I sent Brittney an email asking her if I could come bake with her as part of my rejection therapy project (she already knew about it because of the free advice project I did at her cafe, so there was no hiding it from her :)). Lesson #27: Although I didn't do much more than cube butter and line muffin cups, besides learning how to make goodies the homemade way from scratch, I also learned more about the inner workings of a cafe and the inner workings of an amazing baker and one cool chic...Brittney is exactly who she says she is, and it was fun to hang out and exchange jokes with her sense of humor and intelligence coming through in her wit and her interactions with all who stopped by. Those of you who have been following my rejection therapy blogs know that I have been disappointed that I was slacking off with my rejection therapy, so here it is...redemption week! Day 22 - make a compliment chain: I have been talking about this for a while, so I decided to go through with it, no matter what. Since I had such success at Mead's Corner last week, I decided to return there and see how much more magic there was to offer! From the moment I walked in the door, I saw people I knew, starting with Sheona Sleiman, our fabulous host for The Masks We Wear. After I explained what I was doing, Sheona graciously offered to be my first compliment chain participant, so I gave her the stickers of her choosing (cute little *emoticons*) and she was off...to her first table. I too started at my first table, and was met with a willing participant, so I gave her a page of stickers and was on to the next...and the next...and the next. By the time I got to the last table, I realized that the compliment chain, while in theory sounded like a great idea, was too confusing to captivate people's attention long enough to take it to another table. Lesson #22: The bigger picture lesson here was that it felt superficial complimenting people that I didn't know. It was easy to compliment Sheona (someone I knew), but with the others I felt a little fake, and found myself looking for compliments besides "I like your computer cover" (true story...although in my defense, it was *sparkly*) and searching for things a little deeper as "you are really focused, I like your poise" (another true story...when can you be awkward if not for *rejection therapy*). Day 23 - take "the scale is only a number" signs to all area YMCAs: This was my initial idea with the positive body image signs that I placed in the "Y" close to my house, and I wanted to follow through on that challenge. So I ended up at three more "Y's" and I have to say, I am glad I went. The first YMCA was out of water when I asked if I could place the signs, so I got a "I will put this on Shannon's desk" response, which was not a "yes" or a "no"...but what can you do when the locker rooms are closed? The second YMCA was similar to my initial challenge the other day, except after the gatekeeper apologetically told me that he didn't think it would be possible, both the first and second *persons in charge* told me yes...after one asked the other she ended up *asking me* if it was okay to change it to the YMCA appropriate letterhead, because "I have been wanting to do something like this for a while." The third YMCA was a hesitant *yes* from the start, as I talked to the *person in charge* from the very beginning. She told me I could place it and even offered me tape that she hunted for and brought back the high quality, double sided tape...which she entrusted to my care while I hung the sign. Lesson #23: I considered this a real win, because I received two "yes'es" and a "maybe" added on to the first "yes" from the initial day's challenge, so *the odds were in my favor.* And I am super psyched that a multiplication of that many more women are going to read the initial message, "the scale is only a number," followed by the fine print, "you are beautiful," "you are worthy," and "you are loved." Day 24 - place a "kindness box" at an area restaurant: You may be thinking, "but you already did this." Yes, I did; however, like with the first challenge in this series, my initial idea was to take three boxes to area restaurants, and I only took one before. So, I decided this would be a good week to take two more boxes, and I am glad I did. The first restaurant I dropped by was a local favorite, *Doo Dah Diner,* and for this one I even replicated the logo, which I have to say I was pretty proud for doing before even leaving the house. I gave up perfection for transparency long ago, and I am glad I did, because drawing a perfect skyline can be a bit of a challenge. When I stopped by the restaurant, the girl at the front said she would have to go ask somebody, and so I *patiently* waited with butterflies in my stomach, as I do for many rejection therapy challenges. When she came back and told me that the person she was searching for was not there, and that she would have to ask the owners tomorrow, I thanked her and pleasantly stated that I would be back on another day to check!
The second restaurant I dropped by is my personal favorite, *A Beautiful Day Cafe*, and it was the perfect place to ask to do this challenge, as the girl at the front immediately began searching for a place to put it, asking me if it was okay to put it as people walked in so it would get the most traffic, and thanked me profusely for doing something so kind. Lesson #24: I am glad that I chose more than one place for a number of these challenges, because it gave me the opportunity to feel like I really was exerting myself to go outside of my comfort zone, and as a bonus even if the first place was a "no," the second one could be a "yes!" So, it's confession time. The real reason I asked for advice with my rejection therapy projects, which you will see on day 20 below, is because I realized that I was not really putting my "all" into the project. Instead, I was taking snow days and sending requests from home, taking it easy and doing a simple project when I really felt called to do a more challenging one, and in the end I just basically felt like giving up. I am, however, ready to turn over a new leaf. I am going to actively ask myself to step up my game, and I hope that you will challenge me to do the same! Day 19 - send "will you be my friend notes" to 3 people: Do you remember how, in grade school, we actually asked permission to be someone's friend? How admirable, raw, and honest this was. Do you have people in your life, like I do, whom you think would make great friends, but now that you are an adult it is a lot harder to take that first step? I decided to overcome my vulnerability, and it went a little something like this: step 1) choose 3 people with whom I would like to be friends, step 2) write those people notes bravely asking them to be my friend, and step 3) become friends and live in a perfect world...or, at least this is how it went in my head. This is how it went in real life: step 1) choose 2 people with whom I would like to be friends, step 2) start writing a 'will you be my friend note' to the first person, step 3) use excuse that I only have "thank you notes" to write a thank you note instead, step 4) justify it by telling myself that the real reason I am thanking them and not asking them to be my friend is because I want to send plain and simple thank you notes, no strings attached, step 5) repeat step 4 with the second note, and then just choose a third person to whom I would only write a thank you note, based on the already mentioned justification in step 4. Lesson 19: If I want to be honest with others, I have to first be honest with myself. Day 20 - ask for help with more ideas: This step started out well, in theory. I was being honest and owning up to the fact that I only had so many ideas and that it takes a village...to support each other and encourage each other on our journey. However, in full transparency, I stayed at home too long and felt like just finishing the chapter of the book I was reading and going to bed instead of venturing out to whip up a rejection therapy project. While I did push myself to write the request, in full and total honesty, if I had gotten out of the house and done a rejection therapy project, I would have felt much better about myself because I was making a promise to myself and following through on that promise. Lesson 20: Once I start slacking off, it can be a slow fade, and the further I slide, the harder it is to climb back up! Day 21 - give coffee to someone on the street: I honestly thought, at this point, if I buy coffee for anyone, I it will be an improvement over the first two days in this series. With this low bar set, I went into my first coffee shop while I was waiting for a meeting, and began to take the easy way out. Since I did not find anyone who was cold and could really use the warmth, I simply purchased my own tea and hung out until it was time for the meeting. After the meeting, I went to my second coffee shop, thinking that I would pass someone along the way who could use my help. Although I did pass quite a few people by another coffee shop, I had my sights set on checking out a newly renovated shop, so I continued on. When I reached the new shop, I saw no one within close proximity who needed my help, so I left and went to buy a few groceries for the night. After completing my grocery shopping, I went to a local gas station and picked up a cup of coffee, driving a full circle back by the initial store to look for someone to give it to, and ended up finally finding an individual on a bicycle who looked like he could use a warm drink on a cold night. I had to drive a bit more to track him down, and in the end I offered it to him and a woman walking her dog, he accepted, and I was happy that I was able to complete my task while making someone smile. Lesson 21: Follow my first impulse to do what is good at the highest level, and it will prevent me from almost running over a cyclist trying to "help" him. Today is my personal plea for help from you to find out ways in which I can participate in rejection therapy, while making the world a better place. I have a short list of ideas that I have found from the Random Acts of Kindness website, and some more that I have borrowed from the creator of this rejection therapy project.
However, what keeps this a challenge is the make the world a better place requirement. It is easy enough to follow my other two (self-imposed) rules, keeping it moral and something fun, and I could really use some help on the third. So I thought, what better way to make the world a better place than by asking other people what would brighten their day? If it asks me to go outside of my comfort zone, it will also help me grow, and I am sure that your ideas will help to make me reach for the stars! Thanks in advance for helping me brainstorm in this way! Day 16 - leave inspirational notes on the cars in the hospital parking garage: I went early for this one, both for safety reasons and having learned my lesson on the Read Someone Else's Child a Story day. This is the first time that I combined the professional with the personal, as we had a lot of leftover inspirational notes attached to candies from a Thrive ICT event. So, I asked Janet if she was okay with my project, and she said "yes." Next, I had to obtain permission from the hospital, which I thought would be a breeze as I went back to talk to my friendly volunteer who had approved me for the Free Hugs at St. Francis day. Imagine my surprise when I went up to the front desk and saw instead another volunteer giving a strict "no" to a hospital visitor. When I received the same response, I persisted in asking if we could check with the hospital house manager who had given me a green light before. Although she ultimately said "no," I think that both of our days were brightened by our interaction, and how could mine not be...her name was Joy. Lesson # 16: Sometimes a rejection is actually a blessing in disguise. Since I was not placing cards and candies on hundreds of cars in the parking lot, I invested more time in my workout at the gym instead! Day 17 - place inspirational notes in library books: I found this idea on the Random Acts of Kindness website, and I really loved it! Imagine opening up a library book and seeing a note that says, "You are kind," "You are respected," or "You are loved." I went to the hometown library where I had spent several days after school, reading and dreaming, while I waited for my mom to get off work at the nearby bank. I arrived around 4pm, and read the sign that said the library was open after a morning break from 3-8pm, right before I read the sign on their door that says, "We are closed, but we are still awesome." So, I pondered my options, and ended up in reverent silence at the church as I placed notes in the books along one pew next to psalms and/or bible verses with similar meanings. Lesson #17: Be open to anything, and you will find yourself exactly where you need to be. Day 18 - the scale is just a number project at the YMCA: I have always had a dream of placing a sign on top of each scale at the YMCA that says "the scale is just a number," because I can't possibly be there to tell every women who is weighing herself. However, I have overheard tragic conversations, where skinny girls who must be in their early twenties talk about how overweight they are, even sadder yet of friends deriding each other instead of building each other up, and of people of any and all body types looking at themselves with shame as I can only imagine what is going on inside their heads. So, I decided to ask if I could place two signs in honor of Random Acts of Kindness week and of my personal rejection therapy project. Lesson #16: Although the gate keeper (person at the front in charge of telling you "no") may think it is not possible, on several occasions I have had the person in the back say "yes," and this was one of those times! In the spirit of Random Acts of Kindness, I dedicate these next three days to that venture! Day 13 - ask if I can give free hair ties to Hot Asana Yoga: Gina at Hot Asana Yoga is awesome. She provides free water, free hair ties, and free feminine products in her hot yoga studio. The last yoga class I attended, I noticed that they were out of hair ties, so I thought, if she can provide free hair ties, so can I! I found out where she purchased them (a little sleuth undercover shopping), and I bought a colorful variety to ask if I could place in the bathroom for the next class. Did I reject rejection? Yes, I did! Lesson #13: Even if you think that you will be rejected at the simplest offer of kindness, try it anyway; who knows, you may get a "yes"! Day 14 - write in a dry erase marker on the bathroom at Kabab's: I saw this random act of kindness on the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation website, and I thought I had to try it! Who knew that you can write on a mirror with a dry erase marker, and it washes off the same as if you were on a dry erase board? These are the kind of things I wrote: you are beautiful, you are worthy of love and respect, you are worthy of acceptance from the world and yourself, you are unique, and there is a "U" shaped whole in the UNIVERSE and U are the only one who can fill it! Lesson #14: I felt a little bad for not asking permission for this one, but I wanted to do it as a "surprise" random act of kindness, and I put a #RAKWEEK2018 after my kind quotes. I hope that this brightened someone's day like it brightened mine writing it! Day 15 - ask strangers their biggest fear and greatest joy: For this project, I went to Mead's Corner and had a magical experience. I have to say, this is my favorite project so far, right up there with my first project of giving out Free Hugs at St. Francis Hospital! People were open, kind, and unexpectedly raw in their responses. I was invited to sit down and have a full conversation more often than not, and two hours later I wondered where the time had gone! Lesson #15: People's responses ranged from "family" to "finding my calling and using the gifts that I am meant to use" to "lifelong learning in that there is always another story to be told and something else to learn and gain from the beauty and peace of nature and from others" to "living life to the fullest" and "knowing that I have eternal life in Jesus Christ" for their greatest joy. In the biggest fear category, people said "losing someone close to them," "not succeeding," "going to the dentist," "spiders," "war," and "that I am insane and I've made up every interaction around me." In both categories, several people said that their "children" were their greatest joy and their biggest fear was "having their kids disappear" or "not being a good parent." What I learned, more than anything, through the quantity of similar and/or shared responses, is that even though we are unique as individuals, when we look at what truly matters to us, we are all the same at heart! Day 10 - give out a roll of quarter's at Aldi's: for those of you who may not be familiar, Aldi's is an economically priced grocery store and in a cost saving tactic, requires a quarter to deposit in the cart (you get your quarter back when you return the cart). I have been at Aldi's several times without a quarter, and when someone else gave me a quarter, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Lesson #10: Even though the sun was setting and the temperature was dropping when I finished, I got comments from "God bless you" to "Thank you for reminding me that there are people in the world who do good things!" It is nice for all of this to have this reminder, and I am glad to be on the reverse side this time. Day 11 - apply to be a RAKtivist: I just found out this is Random Acts of Kindness Week, so I applied to be a RAKtivist (Random Acts of Kindness Activist) at randomactsofkindness.org/kindness-ideas, and was accepted on Valentine's Day! Lesson #11: There are 114 ideas for how you can participate in Random Acts of Kindness, from helping the environment to helping the elderly to helping your community to helping a stranger and the categories go on! Even if you are apprehensive about applying, take the courage to do so, as I did, and very soon you may be participating in monthly acts of kindness as part of a new society (kind of like a secret club). Use #RAKWEEK2018 this week in any posts about Random Acts of Kindness, and sign up to be a RAKtivist at randomactsofkindness.org. Day 12 - place a kindness box in a restaurant: When I was out to eat at Homegrown Wichita, I saw a cute kindness box in their restaurant (somewhere to place a compliment about your experience, uplifting words of encouragement, or just a happy quote), and I wanted to spread the concept. So, I designed a box with words like "kindness," "friendship," compliments," and "love" and took it to Gabby's Catering, a local Peruvian restaurant that serves yummy Papas a la Huancaína, which is a dish that I loved to eat while in Bolivia. I explained the idea to a new waitress, who was all smiles when she took the box, and it was obvious that she was touched by the personalization with which I presented what she received as a gift. Lesson # 12: You can really make someone's day by saying nice things about their place of business, and I made a new friend in the process! |
AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
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