Today I would like to take the opportunity to post a thank you that is long overdue. When I arrived back to the states, after the formation program and travelling throughout the northeast to visit my friends, I settled back in to Kansas to spend some time with my family, and it was here during a quest for informational interviews on how to open a domestic violence shelter in Cochabamba, Bolivia that I met Angie Rooker. Angie shared her knowledge openly and freely with me, from her own experiences in working with and running a nonprofit, to providing connections for most of the domestic violence and sexual assault professionals that I met in Wichita. It was through her contact that I had the honor of meeting Perla Rodriguez. As I looked back over my notes from my meeting with Perla, I noticed that although they paint her in a positive light, they do not capture the heart of who she is and who she was as a human being. In my notes, I have written that Perla was really open and that she offered to provide additional information, including a coloring book in Spanish and information on the ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences Study), which proved to be extremely helpful leads and I am blessed for meeting with Perla and her offering this information. However, this goes far from explaining who she was and what kind of support that she really offered me. Perla was the first person whose native language was Spanish with whom I shared the name for my domestic violence shelter, On Eagles Wings, in Spanish (Alitas de Águilas), and she gave me positive feedback at a time when I needed it most. She also shared information about which therapies she would suggest as the most useful, including arts and crafts and yoga, and I am starting a yoga instructor program in March with the goal of teaching yoga to trauma victims. It is amazing how people shape your life from a chance encounter, and in Perla I have a lot to be thankful for. Even though I only met her once, and we chatted for less than two hours, I got a real sense of who she was from our brief encounter. Perla was a person of integrity with a passion for what she did, sharing with me that she was not a former victim of violence but that her love for working with the populations that she did in WASAC (Wichita Area Sexual Assault Center) spread directly from her love of the community and the impact that she saw that she made when she had that rare youth share with her how her presentation had changed their life. As we discussed, this gives you the motivation to go on when there are so many who remain silent, knowing that there are many more lives that are being touched and only a few are comfortable with reaching out to say how much. As it has become evident in the past several days, Perla touched the lives of countless individuals in the Wichita area, and that impact rippled into the lives of their families who were secondary victims of the abuse. When we discussed the sometimes challenging dynamics of abuse in a family, Perla was compassionate in her perspective of everyone involved, sharing the knowledge that everyone's experiences shape who they are and there is always a root cause for a behavior. As the days go on and Perla's death is investigated, I hope that we can focus on and celebrate Perla's life instead. I know that if my experience was so brief and so enriching at the same time, that those who knew Perla well will be a testimony to the wonderful person that she was and the beautiful gift that she gave her community by being a part of it.
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This Thursday I would like to honor a woman who has been like a second mom to me, Victoria Stein. When I fell in love with her son over twenty years ago, I remember her kind and warm presence always making me feel invited into a secret club, one that gained me admission to the heart of more than just her son. As I reflect back over the welcome I received as I entered their home time and time again, my memories are filled with warm coffee and cheery conversations, pecan clusters and peach iced tea alongside long goodbyes sprinkled with just one more story about relatives in another era. I was falling in love with the warmth that visibly emanated from one family member to the next, as they talked about whether Mark was going to continue in the choir at school and whether we should watch the movie we rented or go to the theatre. Throughout it all, I was mystified at how freely the conversation flowed and how much energy his mother brought to the conversation with an abundance of smiles that matched her endless supply of compliments about the way I wore my hair or how pretty the color of my shirt was. I got to learn that the only way to avoid going home with something was to keep from saying how much I liked it, as I was sent with a set of beautiful El Salvadorean refrigerator magnets and more momentos than I can remember by extending my own compliments on their style. Vickie accepted my feeble Spanish as she accepted me; with unconditional love and support. I will always remember how, during a conversation with her mother and assorted relatives, I was so proud of myself when I inserted a sentence into their conversation, only to realize that we were not talking about flowers. Their patience with my understanding of a culture that I had never known, as well as a language that I had only studied in high school, was further evidence of the relationships that were forged with respect and unity in their immediate and extended family. I also remember how appreciative my own mom was when her Uncle Jorge invited us all to dinner and entertained us with his own family stories and anecdotes. This is something that she talks about from time to time with fond remembrance and a visible awareness of the generosity that extended in this family from one generation to the next. When someone is truly a genuine human being, it is hard to put into words how special that person is or how much that they have touched your heart. In you, Vickie, I have witnessed honesty, strength, compassion, and a dedication to your family that have conveyed more lessons to me than years of university study could impart. Please accept my deepest admiration for your consistency of presence and wealth of personality. If we could all be like you, the world would shine with grace and wisdom, beauty and joy. Thank you for your laughter, love, and for bringing so much authenticity to my life! |
AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
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