What Is My Path for 2019 and Beyond? I have recently had the opportunity to reflect on the new year, and if it is shaping up in the ways that I am called to follow. Based on this contemplation, I have crafted a 10, 10, 1, setting up goals for the next 10 years in a tool that is referenced in Rachel Hollis' book, Girl Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals. So I set out to define my values, to make sure that they are real and current, and to make sure to include all that carry the most weight in my life. Here they are, in an order that can change on a daily basis, while still remaining true in my heart, soul, and spirit: 1. I am running an exceptional domestic violence shelter in Cochabamba, Bolivia. 2. I give God the glory. 3. I am authentic, balanced, and transparent. 4. I hold the children of the world in my heart and treat them with the dignity and respect that they deserve. 5. I empower and inspire survivors on an daily basis. 6. I am physically fit and free to do anything I set my mind to. 7. I constantly challenge myself mentally to reach new heights. 8. I have emotional strength and resilience; therefore, I give and receive love with ease. 9. I have financial freedom, and I live in a way that is sustainable and supports the resources I have and those of future generations. 10. I set and achieve measurable goals. Affirmations to Spark Recognition and Realization You will notice that the goals are written in true affirmation style as this has been proven to stimulate the brain to believe that they are real, possible, and true, so that if they are not truly actualized at this point, that they will be within a realistic time in the future. My Main Goal is Still the Same You may also notice that these are all things that I am currently striving for, however, the formula in 10, 10, 1 is to choose one goal that you are giving your true focus towards for this year, and then another for the next, and so on. If you are a reader of this blog, then you will know that I am extremely passionate about opening a domestic violence shelter in Cochabamba, Bolivia, and so I have listed this as my focus goal for this year. It is a goal that I am still striving toward on a daily basis, and all of my goals are in support of this goal. What is my personal WHY, or motivation, behind each of the remaining goals? First and foremost, I give glory to the One who gives me life, and this will always be central to me. In order to reach my goals, I must follow my values, hence the "authentic, balanced, and transparent" goal. It is important to me to always honor the dignity and respect of all people, including children, and to seek to spread the message that they are true and full humans, even if they are smaller than us. The same can be said for inspiring and empowering survivors, which is something that I can and must do in any circumstance and in any environment. Included in my goals is also the four quadrant evaluative tool of the spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental areas (and since I have already included spiritual above, I added in financial to help provide a foundation in this area as well). Finally, I included in a goal about setting and achieving measurable goals to make sure that all of these are realistic and can be completed in a set period of time. Sharing My Goals With My Loved Ones I am sharing these goals 1) to be accountable and transparent with my loved ones and 2) to inspire you to create goals and dreams of your own, so that we may follow our individual callings to become the best versions of ourselves!
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Thank You for Your Patience Although I realize that I kind of "fell off the wagon" when it comes to reporting (and perhaps even doing) rejection therapy projects on a daily basis, I wanted to wrap up this project and the year by sharing some of the adventures that I was blessed to experience as part of this process. Remember Jia, the guy who created the Rejection Therapy project? I was blessed and fortunate to have the opportunity to do a rejection therapy project with him, beta testing his app and reporting along the way my journey with a group of complete strangers. Final Rejection Therapy Projects What were some of the rejection therapy projects I undertook? I did a couple of "buy a coffee for the next person" projects; however, the most impactful project in which I participated was to leave flowers at the grave site of my grandparents who died when I was young, and with whom I had not reconciled after learning of some bad choices that they had made while still alive. This project was both personal and life giving, as the feeling that I now have every time I drive by their cemetery is much different than the one I used to have before giving myself the grace and space to forgive them and open up more room in my heart for love. One day, I sent a care package to the daughter of a very sweet person with whom I attended high school and whose daughter had been in the hospital for some time. I received a very sweet note thanking me for the package and exclaiming that it was as if I had known her daughter my entire life (even though the two of us have not met). Even though the rejection therapy project with Jia was only a week, what I really liked about this challenge is that he gave examples and suggestions for each project, separating them into different categories and giving real world ideas so that we could take the ball and run to make the world a better place. Another thing I really appreciated about this opportunity was that he sent us messages of encouragement and asked good questions, creating a type of mentor and mentee relationship that can be helpful for everyone. Lessons Learned What did I learn over the course of this 100 day project? One of the biggest and best lessons was that it is possible to make a small change in the life of others that can have a big and lasting impact. In Matthew Kelly's latest book, The Biggest Lie in the History of Christianity, he talks about how the saints were not actually perfect people, either, and how even though we put them on a pedestal and can sometimes feel like it is impossible to aspire to their levels of greatness, that saintly moments are created one habit at a time, and that our actions become our habits and our habits become our lives (does this sound familiar? It is the quote that I use on my blog site from the first Matthew Kelly book I read). It is truly possible, therefore, to become saints if we choose a trajectory of life that leads us on a path of one good choice after another. Even if we falter, this does not take us out of the running as saints. What is important is that we get back up and try again, and that we live our lives with integrity and passion. I am reminded of another of my favorite gurus, Rachel Hollis, and how she says that the biggest passion projects in our lives take time, and even though I found massively fast and positive results with rejection therapy, I think the biggest change is my mindset over the long haul. From time to time, I have to remind myself that even though I do not always make the choices that will lead to my goals in every infinitesimal interaction, that I am still a good person and that every small try leads me closer to success in the bigger and overarching areas of my life. Another lesson that I learned most drastically in Bolivia while on mission, but that I was reminded of again and again during my rejection therapy project, was to run towards my fears. Sometimes, these fears are small, like being pleasant to someone whom I think doesn't like me very much, or putting on a smile yet again when I am scared that I am going to be rejected by someone that I don't know. Other times, however, these fears are big, like apologizing for something that does not fit with my personal integrity or with how I define my interior peace and character. Each time that I interact in one of these difficult conversations with courage and with humility, it increases my confidence in myself and makes it that much easier for the next time that this comes up. In Conclusion Let me know if you have any final suggestions for random acts of kindness or growth projects for the future! As I end many of my Miracle Morning blogs, I am a child of the One True King, always learning, always growing. Day 61: give balloons out at the hospital - I thought it would be a nice idea to give balloons out on either the children's floor or in the Children's Mercy Hospital, so I went to get the balloons aired up. First I went back to the Dollar Tree, which is where I originally purchased the balloons, and the employee with whom explained that although they could not put helium in latex balloons, she thought that Dillon's could. So I was on to Dillon's to ask the floral department, and the young lady who worked there told me with a smile on her face (to match the smiles on the balloons) that she could do it in about 10 minutes! After she finished airing up the balloons, I headed to the hospital, parked on the yellow floor (to match the yellow balloons), and first stopped at the pediatrics unit. When the nurses said "yes" initially and buzzed me in, I went to the nurses station and was greeted with about 12 smiling and apologetic nurses who told me that the hospital has a policy against latex for allergy reasons. As I told them I understood and explained that this was a "rejection therapy" project, they thanked me and graciously made me feel welcome on their floor. Leaving the hospital, I thought of the park with the zoo nearby, and that perhaps there would be some children there who would like the balloons. It was still open for half an hour, and the sun was still up, so I was on my way! Lesson 61 - perseverance pays off, and smiles are contagious :). I found a family getting out of the car when I arrived at the park, so immediately I was able to give away 4 balloons (and one flew away as I was handing them out and both brother and sister were reaching for them at the same time). Then I was down to 6, and I headed to the playground to hand out the final balloons, asking parents if their children could have them as much as possible. It wasn't long before I headed to the zoo and saw a cute beaver trying to gnaw its way out of the enclosure, beautiful birds with feeding time fish, and lots of water where the turtles live. On my way out, one of the kids from the initial family said, "hey, the balloons are gone," and I thought to myself, "how nice it is to be noticed." Day 62: pick up someone else's coffee - I was extremely fortunate to receive a Starbuck's gift card from a friend for a birthday gift (thanks, April!), so I was able to "pay it forward' by covering the coffee in the car behind me. Lesson 62 - In my Hot Asana Yoga teacher training we just read the "yama" of Brahmacharya, i.e. non-excess. Although my Starbuck's purchase was just one drink, and the purchase in the car behind me was enough to amount to my getting one more drink out of my card, one more drink is all I need! Day 63: give a care package to someone living on the street - this was my third care package in a sequence of care packages that I purchased together, and the woman who received it was extremely thankful and exchanged more human connection with me in that brief interaction that I have received in several hours' presence in the company of those who do are not currently in need. Lesson 63 - patience is a virtue, and I passed up several homeless (as we currently label them in this country) people before I felt the gentle tug of the still, small voice to give to this woman in need. Day 58: give a care package to someone who needs it - my grandmother and I were on the way to one of her appointments, and we saw a man on the side of the interstate with a sign asking for a bit of extra help. So I reached into the backseat and pulled out one of the care bags that I made a while ago and were just waiting for someone who really needed them. Lesson 58 - Although it took nearly nothing, hardly any effort on our part at all, the individual who received the care package greeted us with the following words, "I appreciate you. God bless you." We would have missed the opportunity to be blessed with this kind of an interaction had we looked straight ahead, through an individual, as we so often do in our busy days, weeks, and months. Day 59: let someone go in front of me in the grocery store - although this gesture is simple, it met the criteria of a rejection therapy project as it was something that I would not normally do and required effort on my part in patience and giving, as I would have rather just taken the cue that I received from the cashier that a new lane was opening and gone about my merry way. Lesson 59 - blessings sometimes come in the form of rain; I really did not feel like letting the individual go in front of me; however, once I did, I was compelled to offer the individual behind her who only had a couple of items the same courtesy, and he turned it around and extended the courtesy to me instead! Day 60: translate for someone in Spanish - although this technically does not meet my rejection therapy project criteria, as I would have done it anyway, I am desperate for new material and am taking what I can get. Lesson 60 - the individual who came into my grandmother's doctor's office searching for someone who spoke Spanish to direct her to the pharmacy in the same building was extremely appreciative to have someone to help her, and I felt as if the roles were reversed from so many times that someone helped me in Bolivia through charades, a smile, or a helpful nudge in the right direction. I was going to save this for a personal email to all of my loved ones, as I so rarely reveal my personal self on my blogsite; however, in the spirit of honesty and renewal with all things new that come with the new year, here goes: What have I learned over the past year? I have learned that there are people there for you, in all types of different ways, from all walks of life, depending upon the season in which you find yourself. I have learned to be patient, that as the yoga video I do daily as part of my morning practice states, "life is on a spiral path." I have learned that it is not always about reaching your goals as quickly as you possibly can, but instead about the lessons you learn along the way. I have learned to embrace those lessons in order to really live in the moment and let life wash over me, one second at a time, like a wave in an ocean or the beauty of a sunrise. What am I going to take from what I have learned? That I am a vulnerable, humble, alive human being with scars and marks that reveal who I really have been, where I am going, and how much more I have yet to absorb in lessons from those who have already been there. What am I looking forward to in the future weeks, months, and years? Renewed connections with those who have gotten away, continued connections with those who refuse to look away, and connections unknown in those whom I have yet to encounter. I am so excited to be given the opportunity time and time again to renew, recreate, and rejuvenate this beautiful life that I am a part of...I can only hope those who hold a place in my heart know that it is there and that it will always be there. Emotion is human. The moment you call expression of it weak, it becomes strong: evidence of a willingness to go against the grain. – Arleen Spenceley My host parents during their 50th Anniversary Mass. Click here to see my blog about the celebration. I have been awed and inspired to see examples of men in Latin America displaying courageous examples of what it means to be an adult in a world where we are sometimes told to hide or bottle up our feelings, or the expressions of them: laughing, crying, hugging, and dancing. When I see this, I am reminded that society oftentimes sends us the wrong messages. But this same society also tells us to live life to the fullest, enjoy what we have while we have it, and savor every moment. Mixed signals? You bet. I am also reminded of a man I once dated (yes, he was twenty-one at the time) who had never heard “I love you” from his parents, who had never talked about anything of importance or shared his feelings with them, and we struggled because he had to learn how to do all of this in his first romantic relationship. Why does all of this strike a chord with me now? Because, contrary to what I thought was the culture of Latin America, and even more specifically of positive examples I have seen in Bolivia, I have been disheartened to hear one phrase recently on refrain, “Don’t cry.” It comes after a two-year-old steals a toy from another two-year-old, and it comes when a child misses his mother. It comes when two boys are fighting because one has made fun of the other, and it comes when two girls run into each other and butt heads hard. It comes when a kid is worried that his parents will not come back to pick him up from school, because all of the other kids have already been picked up and he is the last one waiting with the teacher. And it even comes when I accidentally close the trufi (a small van) door on the fingers of a five-year-old (at which point I also wanted to cry). Why are children who are obviously experiencing pain, both emotional and physical, told not to cry? These are the only conclusions that I have been able to draw:
And what lessons do the above teach children? That we as adults do not have time for them. That when they are upset, it does not merit the same kind of respect as when an adult is upset. That they have to learn to exhibit behaviors that are outside of the reach of their age, and that they should hide from adults what is really going on inside of them. That they should hide from their peers and their friends what is going on inside of them. And what do the above lessons actually teach? Dishonesty, fear, and responsibility before its time. That they have to be responsible because it is outside of the ability of the adult to exemplify the behavior that we expect from children. Although we teach them to act justly with others, and that doing the right thing will yield just rewards, that it is actually a lie. And we begin to teach them to be jaded, even though adults do not enjoy being around people who are jaded. What should we be teaching our children? That it is okay to express your emotions, and that it is even a healthy way to react to a situation that is unjust or painful. That what is going on inside is okay, and that when you show to others your truth, that they will respond with understanding and with compassion. That children are valued members of our world, so that they can grow up to be the future that we are proud to have helped nourish. And, finally, that love is the one thing that unites all of us, and that we have to show vulnerability in order to be able to love. There are many people in this world whom I would like to thank, and today I would like to honor my grammy. She blesses me with her presence, her laughter, and her love. I know that whenever I call her, I am going to be greeted warmly, and that no matter what is going on in her day, she still truly cares to find out how I am doing. There are many strong women in my family, and she exemplifies the strength that I would like to embody. True strength comes with compassion and a heart for service, and this is shown in the way she selflessly gives her time to her church, as well as the time she shares with The Lord's Diner. From her family, to her extended family, to her friends and all who come into contact with her, I know that they will too be blessed by her presence. She is quick to play with her grandkids, and only has a nice word to say for everyone. When I am in the kitchen and have a doubt about anything from the temperature of the oven to what a recipe means, she answers my questions with patience and without making me feel like I should throw in the towel :)! Although she appears in many ways like a "normal grandma," she has a lot of spunk and used to be a pro at riding horses bareback - why would you waste time with a saddle when you have a perfectly good horse and the wind in your hair? My grandpa used to say that she is always out and about, because she couldn't sit still when there is a world out there to be explored. In this way, I guess we are the same. I love you, Grammy! |
AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
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