Emotion is human. The moment you call expression of it weak, it becomes strong: evidence of a willingness to go against the grain. – Arleen Spenceley My host parents during their 50th Anniversary Mass. Click here to see my blog about the celebration. I have been awed and inspired to see examples of men in Latin America displaying courageous examples of what it means to be an adult in a world where we are sometimes told to hide or bottle up our feelings, or the expressions of them: laughing, crying, hugging, and dancing. When I see this, I am reminded that society oftentimes sends us the wrong messages. But this same society also tells us to live life to the fullest, enjoy what we have while we have it, and savor every moment. Mixed signals? You bet. I am also reminded of a man I once dated (yes, he was twenty-one at the time) who had never heard “I love you” from his parents, who had never talked about anything of importance or shared his feelings with them, and we struggled because he had to learn how to do all of this in his first romantic relationship. Why does all of this strike a chord with me now? Because, contrary to what I thought was the culture of Latin America, and even more specifically of positive examples I have seen in Bolivia, I have been disheartened to hear one phrase recently on refrain, “Don’t cry.” It comes after a two-year-old steals a toy from another two-year-old, and it comes when a child misses his mother. It comes when two boys are fighting because one has made fun of the other, and it comes when two girls run into each other and butt heads hard. It comes when a kid is worried that his parents will not come back to pick him up from school, because all of the other kids have already been picked up and he is the last one waiting with the teacher. And it even comes when I accidentally close the trufi (a small van) door on the fingers of a five-year-old (at which point I also wanted to cry). Why are children who are obviously experiencing pain, both emotional and physical, told not to cry? These are the only conclusions that I have been able to draw:
And what lessons do the above teach children? That we as adults do not have time for them. That when they are upset, it does not merit the same kind of respect as when an adult is upset. That they have to learn to exhibit behaviors that are outside of the reach of their age, and that they should hide from adults what is really going on inside of them. That they should hide from their peers and their friends what is going on inside of them. And what do the above lessons actually teach? Dishonesty, fear, and responsibility before its time. That they have to be responsible because it is outside of the ability of the adult to exemplify the behavior that we expect from children. Although we teach them to act justly with others, and that doing the right thing will yield just rewards, that it is actually a lie. And we begin to teach them to be jaded, even though adults do not enjoy being around people who are jaded. What should we be teaching our children? That it is okay to express your emotions, and that it is even a healthy way to react to a situation that is unjust or painful. That what is going on inside is okay, and that when you show to others your truth, that they will respond with understanding and with compassion. That children are valued members of our world, so that they can grow up to be the future that we are proud to have helped nourish. And, finally, that love is the one thing that unites all of us, and that we have to show vulnerability in order to be able to love.
2 Comments
3/7/2015 02:07:37 pm
your insights and thoughts on children and emotions is beautiful, Valerie!
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Valerie
3/11/2015 09:23:23 am
Thanks, Dave! I really appreciate your words of support, and blessings and peace to you!!!
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AuthorValerie Ellis, who is in alignment with the Black Lives Matter Movement and everyone whose life is impacted, now or before, by times of social injustice. Archives
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